sarah's twentysomething years

I entered a giveaway...

2011-09-02T22:49:00.002-06:00

and you can too :)

Check out the AMAZING 8K Fan Giveaway Party at FotoTale Designs! 40 Vendors; 5 winners!

Bad Luck

2010-12-21T16:19:00.002-07:00

All Summer I was on this Smallville kick. I watched all the dvds, and am all caught up and watching the final season on the CW, and it has gotten me obsessed with Superman and superheroes in general. (not to mention Tom Welling, but thats an obsession I'll keep to myself....because its dirrrty. Thats right. 3 r's.)

I think if I became a superhero I would be one of the clumsy unique ones, that has maybe one comic book and its so depressing that nobody reads it again. I have the worst luck in the world. Like just a few weeks ago was my 22nd birthday, I cried 3 times, not to mention my dog died, and we were out of town and my present got left at home.

I've decided to take my bad luck, and laugh at it. Because thats all I really can do at this point. My bad luck is mine and I'm awesome, so by being a part of me, its awesome too. My bad luck has superpowers. Which are mainly used for evil. But thats another story.

Hair 2010

2010-08-11T02:59:00.003-06:00

I colored my hair...again. And I finally got it the right color. Celebrate here!

Before

After

I dont know if you can tell the difference, but I can and thats what counts!

Family Reunion 2010

2010-08-11T02:24:00.006-06:00

About a month ago, we had our Gordon Family Reunion. I dont have a lot to say about it.I got to go to Ogden and hang out with Brandi and Dusty for a few days, which was AWESOME. I got to see their new cute place, (which attacked my head!) (I swear they move after everytime I go to visit) and then I got to drive down with Brandi and her boys to go camping.Before everyone got up there, camping consisted of playing peek-a-boo with Eathan, and laughing at Brandi having to chase down her kids. They like to explore...just a little.
Eathan loved the freedom and took full advantage of it whenever possible, so we got him a baby prison to keep him locked down some of the time so Brandi didn't have to go baby hunting.

Then Dusty was able to get off work and so he came camping with us too! I love those two together. They're so cute to watch.

Saturday we went to the reunion. Uncle Richards family did a great job of organizing it. There was a lot more to do than previous years. I was happy about that part of it all.

We got to shoot BB Guns and everything. (which I didn't think was safe given the kind of family I have, but whatever. nobody got hurt haha)

Other than that, it was all pretty eventful in a bad way. Which all just made me realize how sick I am of going to these things. I like the camping part. I loved staying at Duck Creek instead of the property for a change. I hate having the reunions there. I'd rather have them at Duck Creek like we used to with the other reunions. But maybe thats just because I have better memories from those. I think the next time we have one of these I'm not going to go. I'll go camping for sure, because I like that part of it...but I dont think I'll go to the reunion next time.*

This is the first time the three of us have been in the same place in nearly 3 years. I haven't been with Brandi AND Ashli at the same time since Aidan's 1st Christmas. I was so excited.

I cant believe both of them are going to have babies in February. I wish we were really sisters. I'm gonna make a kick ass aunt. But thats just my biased opinion.

The little kids are making me feel OLD. Everytime I look at Amanda I go omg...wasn't she 4 like...yesterday? Same with KC. He's starting 6th grade this year. blows my mind.
So that was the reunion in a nutshell. Good thing they're every other year...
My family definitely needs the space inbetween.

*remind me of this in two years. I tend to forget crap like this.

Why?

2010-08-11T01:59:00.002-06:00

It's exactly 2 in the morning and I've been lying in bed wide awake for two hours. I want to sleep. I like sleep. But I can't. It's one of those nights where I cant shut my mind down long enough for my exhausted body to lull it to sleep. It just keeps jumping from one thing to another. I even got up and did a load of laundry and that didn't help. I got up and curled my hair. Nothing. I got up and sorted through pictures. Nothing.

So hey, idea Number 4, blogging!
One of the things on my mind right now is Why? I have so many issues to deal with from my past. A lot. I know this, my dog knows this, pretty much the entire twitter universe knows this too. (what? you didn't know sarah had a twitter? Yeah, its where she goes to vent and talk about stuff she cant on facebook. Mainly family and her tv obsessions. Say that again? No i'm not telling you my twitter name!)
Anyways, one issue that is keeping my mind awake tonight is why didn't I speak up?
It was early evening and my mom's brother and sister and parents were sitting in the lower living room basically telling my mom that they had no faith in her and were planning on stealing our house. I use the word steal. Because thats how I feel about it. I don't think theres a better word for it really. Selling doesn't do the this act of betrayal, which is another good word, justice.
I cant even remember what was said. All I got out of it was that I was losing my home. Not just a house, my first real home in my entire life. I called my best friend bawling as they sat down there and talked. Not that it helped much. It's not her fault, it's just...what does one 16 year old say to another in an impossible situation?
But I went back inside and sat on the stairs out of view and listened. And my mom asked me for my input. I just sat there. Why didn't I speak up? Would it have helped?
I keep beating myself up over this tonight, and I have no idea why. I'm sure it wouldn't have helped...at all. I was 16 and afraid of authority figures. But theres still that shadow of a what if? WHY didn't I say something?

Family Pictures

2010-05-14T23:39:00.000-06:00

While I was in Layton, I got to take family pictures for Brandi and her family. It was soo fun and just reinforced the fact that I can't wait to do this professionally.

Here are some of my favorites :)

Aaand if you'll notice. I designed my official watermark. I'm so proud of it :D it's pretty!

Whaddya think?

Eathan's Birthday

2010-05-10T23:08:00.000-06:00

Ummm So I can't believe it's already been a year. Where did the time go?! Eathan is a doll, and Aidan is getting sooo big. I hate living so far away from my little surrogate nephews. I love them and Brandi and Dusty soo much. I wish we lived closer to each other so I wouldn't miss so much and have to ask all weekend for them to put bricks on the boys so they wont grow so fast.

So here are a few of my favorite pictures from the trip.

Me and the Birthday Boy

The Cakes

Eathan eating his cake.

I think he more bathed in it than ate it, but it was soo fun to watch him. He was having a great time you could tell. Every few moments though he'd look up at Dad and be like are you SURE this okay?! Im pretty messy....haha It was cute.

Aidan did a much better job of eating his instead of getting it everywhere haha

So after he was bathed it was present time!

I've never seen presents in a bag for someone so young, but he LOVED the tissue paper more than he did the wrapping paper, so I thought that was pretty funny

And he loved it so much that Brother had to help him out

and show him how to get to the good stuff :)

It was a great weekend, and a much needed vacation. I didn't want to go home. But all good things must come to an end. Hopefully 6+ months won't go by before I get to see them again.

And for your entertainment....video of the cake dive!

What makes you happy?

2010-04-18T12:07:00.004-06:00

I have a love/hate relationship with my job. Theres never an inbetween with it. I either love it or hate it. Plain and simple. I love the pay, and I get satisfaction out of feeling smart enough to solve problems for people who dont know anybetter. And I love when I can improve my own performance. I've always enjoyed setting goals and reaching them. Also, working from home? Huge economical, emotional, all around good benefits. On the other hand I hate my new schedule (so i'm trying really hard to raise my qualities so I get a morning spot next quarter) and when it's back to back calls, I feel miserable.

Someone asked me last week what makes me happy, and I couldn't answer. I rarely do anything to make myself happy. I work because I have to. Hell, I get out of bed in the morning because I have to. So I've spent some time this week really thinking about it, and I came up with a list.

1) My family. KC drives me up a wall, but being down here and getting to see him on a daily basis again, fills me with joy. I missed a lot during those two years, and I wish I hadn't. I love being a big sister, although at times I really suck at it.

2)Graphics! I tend to forget this one, and I have no idea why. I'm probably at my most happiest, when I'm sitting in front of a computer, making stuff look pretty! I made a birthday invitation for Brandi's son Eathan the other day and I was excited the whole time, because I was having so much fun at it. I think college scared me away from it because of all the drawing and the carving and plaster and ugh, but I really do love it. I want to be able to learn more about what I'm doing and open up a successful business with it. So thats my goal for the upcoming summer is to look into what I need to do to make that happen.

3)Movies and television. I'm a couch potato. Deal with it.

4)Cooking! (when I'm not exhausted, and dont scald the tops of my hands with boiling water forcing myself to sleep with an icepack on both hands for a night.)

5)Kids. I love babies. If you know me, you know this. I want kids sooo bad. I love taking care of babies a ton, and think they're kinda cute when they grow up too =P. I cant wait to be a mom. I just need to find one of those pesky husband things.

This is a random post, I have no idea where I was going with it, but yeah. :) thats me. Have you ever made a list of what makes you happy?

Broke'ed the Toe.

2010-04-15T15:44:00.007-06:00

Kelsy broke his toe Sunday, April 11th, 2010. I didn't see it happen because I was working, all I heard was the blood curdling scream from the hallway. Apparently, he was coming out of his bedroom as his friend was running down the hall to him and they collided. His friend was wearing shoes, and KC was not...and KABLAM! So we had to hurry him to the hospital cuz he couldn't walk and the toe was almost immediately purple and swelling. Poor toe.

I, of course, took pictures to chronicle the event.

(But SHHHH! Don't tell KC they're on here. Apparently at 10 yrs old he's already worried about his personal life staying personal, his words; not mine! ....really I just think he's embarassed haha)

So, this is what it looked like when we got to the hospital

Then he got xrays, and man, she had a hard time getting

that side xray on it, and then they didn't even need it.

I think its cool you can see the break in the xray...

haha it looks like just a little black line.

And this was the pre-shot photo, eating the treat I bought him.

They ended up giving him a shot to numb his foot so they could push the toe back into place. He screamed and screamed while they had the needle in his foot like they were killi

ng him. Made me so sad :( But it was worth it, because I think without it, it'd would've been worse.

The shot lasted throughout the next morning too so he wasn't as in much pain.

Then they came in and put the toe into place

and straightened it out, and then put some

buddy taping on it, where they wrap the toe with

another one to keep it straight.

And then they even gave him a super cool sandal!!

So he'll be out of baseball for a few weeks, which SUCKS.

KC Royals

2010-04-09T16:09:00.004-06:00

Yaaaaaay! KC started baseball!!

We were so excited when we found out his team name

because his hat has the initials for Kansas City on it!

And look! Blue and White!

(cuz he's totally going to Dixie and NOT Snow Canyon like my mom thinks.....*shifty eyes*)

Lucky Number 7

Baseball is my favorite sport of alltime, and I endured through watching him play basketball this year so I bullied him to sign up for baseball. hehe. His uniform is so cute. It's stuff like this that makes me happy I moved away from Logan. I hated missing this stuff. The games are so fun too, especially when you chat with the other family members watching. This season is gonna be great. We'll have to buy some cracker jacks!

Cooking!

2010-03-13T16:57:00.004-07:00

I find this new feeling weird. I've been getting this feeling since Thanksgiving when I made brownies from scratch... I LOVE COOKING! I love being responsible for something yummy that people are eating, and being praised for it! I made soup the other night, copied a recipe from Olive Garden, but I made it and it tasted exactly the same as if we were sitting in the restaurant eating it. And I just felt sooo accomplished. I like that feeling of standing in the kitchen and mixing ingredients together to make something that tastes good! I've never felt like this before, cooking was merely a means to end and would prefer someone else do it. So I'm excited to start trying recipes out and learning how cooking works. I'm definitely not going to go into it as a career, (already worked in a restaurant and do not want the stress thank you very much) but would love to learn and copy recipes and stuff!

I think that as I start to do this, I'm gonna take pictures and be one of those kinds of people haha. So please wish me luck on this journey to discovering a whole other side of my personality :) If you have an idea for a good title for this section of my blog, feel free to comment cuz I'm at a loss for right now :)

can't sleep.

2010-03-01T02:52:00.003-07:00

They've switched schedules around at my job and I unfortunately got put on the night shifts. So I know have to work 3-11:30 every night. And while I've come up with many many positive things because of this change, the whole being wide awake at now nearly 3am thing is not one of them.

Anyways... I found my SD card! The owner of the basketball league found it when he was sleeping and saved it. My mom happened to ask him about it and he had it! I'm sooo happy, I was just sick over all those photo's that would've been lost. (And as soon as I got home, I backed up all the photos and made sure to lock the SD card in my camera =P )

So I present to you, my cute little brother and his smurf basketball!

And this is KC's friend Mykeal.
They're a little sweaty because I took this after they played,
but it's an awesome picture

Pictures :(

2010-02-11T07:48:00.003-07:00

So for any of you that know me, you know that I'm a huge picture taker. I love pictures and I post them a LOT.

That being said, I lost my SD card! Normally I'm soo careful to back up the pictures I take every few days but I haven't done it since CHRISTMAS. and now all those pictures on that card are lost :( I could cry just thinking about it. Theres all pictures of KC playing basketball that I wanted to post, and a few of him posing with a basketball that I was gonna frame and a whole bunch of other stuff. I'm so so sad :(

So if you happen to find a 1gb SD cards with pictures of my family on it, could you email the pictures to me? You can keep the SD card if you find it :) I just want the pictures!

Christmas

2010-01-20T15:23:00.007-07:00

Soo, after all the stress Christmas gave us, it turned out great...for the most part.

We were on the Coins for Kids list this year for KC. We were on it awhile back when I was younger as well, and let me preface this story by saying I adore this organization. It has been a wonderful part of my life, because I would not have had such great Christmases while my mom was in college without them. I also love how the community helps out with it, and I really believe that they genuinely care about the people they are helping. That being said... we got our delivery the night we headed to Vegas for Jake's wedding. I was irritated because the guy delivering them said in front of KC that they were from Coins for Kids, instead of Santa like they're supposed to. Now while he's 10 and this is probably the last year he's going to believe in Santa and the guy didn't mean any malice or wasnt even thinking, it irked the hell out of me! Well one present was bursting out of its package and you could see that it was this giant teddy bear. Now, while we thought it was odd that they're giving a 10 yr old boy a giant teddy bear, while we were volunteering, we saw they had a lot of stuffed animals, we figured they were just trying to give them away. Whatever. Another present was wrapped in such old wrapping paper that it was way thin and ripping everywhere, so we sent Kelsy out of the room and went to rewrap it...well I got the old paper off of it to find a very pink Project Runway art kit...with paper dolls and everything that you could design clothes for and dress up! My mom and I looked at each other, looked at the kit, glanced at the teddy bear, and realization dawned. So we opened the rest of the presents and you guessed it, all girl stuff. Miley Cyrus tshirt and jeans, pink tennis shoes, the works. I wish I would've taken a picture because as panicked as it made us feel then, its actually kinda funny now. I'm just glad the wrapping had been ripping, because I can't even fathom the disappointment Christmas morning would've brought.

Anyways, we took the stuff to Walmart and explained what had happened. We think someone looked at his donation paper and decided that because the name was Kelsy, the M for male was incorrect. If any of you volunteer for Coins for kids. Never assume. You know the saying. So please, just don't. =P

After a few people being rude to us and acting like we were trying to cheat the charity by returning EVERYTHING we finally got a manager to understand the situation and she rang up the dollar amount and let my mom and I go find stuff for a boy. So we went and found some things and everything turned out alright.

Before KC had a chance to open everything I took a couple quick shots of the stash Santa bestowed upon us.

He was so funny. He made me get up around 7 so I dragged myself out of bed and wrapped a blanket around me to go in the front room and he does this dramatic TA DA! type of pose towards the tree (specifically the Guitar Hero set up) and was like LOOKEE WHAT WE GOT! It was hilarious.
And for decorating, we set up my mini tree and hung the stockings next to it. I'm such a perfectionist...they way they're hung still looks awkward to me..

So after we opened presents (which I was horrible and took no pictures of us doing) we got ready and went to my Aunt Terry's house for dinner. I miss going to Grandma's house for Christmas.

Then aftewards we came home and played with all our new toys. My mom introduced me to this game Sequence. Its waay fun and we played it all night.

21 and Vegas Wedding!

2010-01-07T21:21:00.010-07:00

WOW I have been MIA and that is just shameful, I've worked so hard to stay current on my beautiful blog and here I am, leaving it alone for a month. Sooo, to catch us up on some things
I had a fun birthday. I got up and worked for a few hours and then got off early which was nice. And then I went to the Stadium 10 all by myself and saw New Moon, but not before getting my favorite smoothie from Emerald Smoothie and sneaking it in with me :). New Moon was great, it beat Twilight completely and utterly and I cannot wait for Eclipse. Only 6 months!

After the movie I came home and later that night my family and I went to dinner at my favorite restaurant in St. George, Red Robin! I love that place, their grilled chicken burgers are delicious. And yes, if you were wondering, I tried a drink. Mainly just to try it and because I could. I want to experience things and while I dont plan to make a habit out of it, it was good.

I even bought the cup as a momento :)

Then, aftewards because my mom has a rule about not decorating for Christmas before my birthday, KC helped me set up the tree.

or...tried to help. Emphasis on the tried :)

Then a week later, we went to Jake's wedding...in Vegas! It was soo much fun, I love hanging out with the Taylors! and Jakes wife is such a doll.

We had a blast! And got to meet Elvis and everything!

And if I do say so myself, I took some excellent pictures of the kids and their new little family! Not the best in the world, but I think they're cute!

So after the ceremony we went to the Grand Lux Cafe inside the Venetian and we had so much fun. We were all so tired and happy and surrounded by awesome people and good food, telling jokes. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. It was great! It was so funny too, there were tiny tiny kids there and KC was the only one to fall asleep while we joked.

It was funny, and the next day he didnt believe us that he really fell asleep...
I'm glad we had the pictures to prove it!

And this is me, literally LMAO'ing. I was close to tears.
I'm grateful to whoever took this picture because everytime I look at it, it makes me smile!

December was an interesting month for sure.
Filled with stress, laughs, and life. Christmas post to come!

Decorations!

2009-11-29T08:15:00.001-07:00

I decorated my blog for Christmas today! Next, the house!

Thanksgiving, Gordon style, ladies and gents!

2009-11-27T17:34:00.005-07:00

I just have a few pics. I've said my piece about Thanksgiving :) May it be better next year.

Sooo, I made brownies. We went to the Jubilee of Trees this week and I bought some homemade brownies from some ladies and it was delicious. I'm not a big brownie fan so this is saying something about just how delicious this brownie was. So I decided to scour the internet and try to find a recipe that was similar to what I had.

I came pretty close, and while they're not the same, I made some excellent brownies if I do say so myself. (although...I made like 30+ brownies and I think 2 got eaten..so if anyone likes brownies, please let me know and I will give you some treats!)

...and KC helped lick the whisks...

but he cleans up nice :)

He's getting way to big and old and he just needs to stop growing.

the end.

Family

2009-11-26T21:16:00.006-07:00

I love Thanksgiving. It's usually one of my favorite holidays. Because A) The food is delicious and I loved our family potlucks growing up. and B) Nobody had to worry about buying anyone presents. It was just a holiday to get together with everyone and be grateful and appreciative.

This Thanksgiving we went to my grandparents house and had the usual dinner. My, oh my! Usually we have like 50 billion people over and there was only maybe 11 this time around. It was a little depressing but hey, turkey and pumpkin pie cures all. Some things that happened (or didn't happen as the case may be) got me thinking about things.

I have only known the one side of my family. When I think of family and what all that means, my grandparents and those 6 other family units come into my mind. I have my favorites and dislikes and opinions (all of which I'm keeping to myself...) but they're all my family and I love them. Whether I like to admit it or not, everything I do is dictated by what those people are going to think of me. I'm getting better at being my own person and making my desicions based on me, but its still in the back of my mind. What are they going to say? What are they going to think of me? Those fears haunted me when I had to drop out of college. Would they care enough to be disappointed or think it was typical?

Anyway, I hate that side of me. I worry too much about others and what they're gonna think. I hate people being mad at me too. . If I did something that I felt was right and I'm not going to take it back, just because I stepped on some peoples toes. I'm sorry that it upset you, or hurt your feelings or whatever. It was the right thing for ME to do and I meant no malice with it. And if I've done something wrong, I'd like to be told to my face what it was so that I can fix it. Thats how adults handle things. We dont pass notes in class and figure the rumor will get around that theres bad feelings in the air. Call me up and yell at me, I'd appreciate that more than the cold shoulder and ignoring me.

Whoa, I started ranting. See, I'm upset. Let me start over. It got me thinking about family. and an episode of HIMYM. (I love tv shows. They teach us about life haha) This is what I was getting to...Family isn't a right, its a privilege. People are born into your lives to create a built in support system... and thats something you should be grateful for and not throw it away over something petty.

I just thought I'd say my piece whether those that this is directed to read it or not. I know I've said it before, but the proverbial camel's back just broke. I'm done caring. If I'm important enough to be mad at then maybe I'm worth being apart of your family, (because believe it or not, you're my favorite out of the whole bunch, how sick and twisted is that?! Maybe thats why I'm so upset about this...) but thats for you to decide, because I'm done.

Halloween!

2009-11-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

Well, since I'm living at home this halloween I took KC trick or treating like I used to in high school..and totally suffered the consequences and got sick! However, his costume was awesome and he had fun so thats what counts. That being said...here's a couple pics from our little photoshoot and from the big night itself!

Also, we had ZERO trick or treaters come to our house as usual, so if anyone wants candy, come on over and steal some....(PLEASE)

10. Keep a plant alive for more than a few weeks

2009-10-25T16:46:00.002-06:00

Remember the point? The LIST? I created it to help give me some focus because I was feeling a bit lost, and after a year or so of distractions I've realized I'm still a bit unfocused, sooo I thought I'd accomplish something on it to make myself feel good. (it was pretty easy to finish so it doesn't feel all that great, but it could just be my general mood today. I'm not a fan of Sarah or her life today...)
So, #10 was keep a plant alive for more than a few weeks. I've had terrible luck with plants, I forget to water them or they get picky about needing sunlight etc. So, we were cleaning out the kitchen and a little leaf tore off of one of my mom's plants and so I went to throw it away and she went NOOOO. You can replant that and get a whole new plant out of it! So I rolled my eyes and got a little pot down and planted the lonely little leaf in some soil. Well....3...count em 3 months later, the little guy is still alive and I try remember to water it at least once a...~~month~~ week.
I've been meaning to blog about it for some time now, so when my Mom's friend let me play with her REALLY nice camera's yesterday I took my little plant out and posed it, and took some shots of it.

(and yes...I realize how silly this post is LOL :P )

I love Fall!

2009-10-19T17:08:00.002-06:00

Me + Boredom = New Blog Layout!

Finish It

2009-09-29T16:44:00.000-06:00

Finish the sentence:
1. I've come to realize.............that kind of people who retort "life isn't fair!" usually don't know how patronizing that sounds.
2. I am listening to............ And old man explaining his internet woes to me. I could really care less...
3. Maybe I should........save money. Instead of spending it to feel better.

4. I love............ my bed. After 2 years of sleeping on an extra long twin....the queen is beautiful.
5. My best friend............ has never met me face to face, and knows me better than anyone.
6. I don't understand............my extended family.

7. I lost...............my home.

8. People say.......... I'm selfish and spoiled.

9. I say......... I'm well adjusted and taken care of.
9. Love is............ mysterious and out there somewhere.
10. Somewhere, someone is............. pining for someone like me...(haha.)
11. I will always............. be sentimental.
12. Forever seems........... far away.
13. I never want to..........be childless.

14. My mobile phone is........ a touch screen. PWN!
15. From the moment I wake up..........I'm figuring out how to make the day either go by faster than it should or slower.
16. I get annoyed when.......those efforst fail either way.
17. Parties are...........stressful, but worth the experience.
18. Kids are........ the hope of the world....lmao. Um...cute?
19. Kisses are the best when............
20. Today I.................. will get off work. maybe do some dishes.
21. Tonight I will.............. watch How I met your mother.
22. Tomorrow I will........ get up and work at the crack of why am I awake?
23. I really want.............. my family to be taken care of with me in my own apartment.
25. I hate............. greedy people
THE END

Past Sarah, A bit of advice.

2009-09-24T22:54:00.014-06:00

Dear 10,

I know living in the big bad city is scaring you, especially having to stay home alone while the parents are off working and especially, especially, especially after Karen traumatizing you with big city scary stories. Relax. You don't die, nobody breaks into the house, and for god's sake...you're in the basement, its okay to go near the windows. Although...dont go outside. Slipping on the ice in the driveway really freaking hurts. Yes, track school sucks, hell utah schools in general suck and yes you'll go to 4 different elementary schools this year, but Utah is where you'll be for awhile so you'll just have to get used to it for now. Lots of things are going to change in the next few months, but it'll all be for the best and you cope well . That or you block it out completely, I haven't decided, but just keep doing what you're doing. Be a kid and dont worry too much. (PS You're going to be a BIG sister!!!!!)

Dear 13,

Middle School. Wooow. Listen, I know that 6th grade was hell completely and utterly, but you don't have to be so nervous this year. You find your niche and aside from a really embarassing ordeal with a crush in the 9th grade, and the softball team incident, the road is smooth. Enjoy the next two years. You're going to do a lot more growing up than you should have to do afterwards.

PS Dont be too hard on yourself for complaining that your tv show was being preempted because of the 9/11 coverage. You didn't completely understand what was going on. America and future Sarah has no hard feelings.

PSS- PLEASE don't get that perm, curly hair is not what they make it out to be and straight hair is SO going to be in style..

Dear 15,

Remember the good things about her when she gets sick and you're miserable. I understand your feelings about having to take care of her and the horrible things you're having to endure. But she's family, and I never want you to forget that family is the most important thing in the world. She'll thank you for it later. And don't feel guilty about the feelings you're having...in the end, it's not your fault. Wishing something, doesnt make it come true. You understand? You did not cause this, or any other consequences from this. Please dont blame yourself. Also, don't date Matt. Verry bad decision. Your online friends rock and if you stick close to them during the tough times they will help you out more than you could imagine, just stick clear of Matt. Please and thank you. And Summer 05? Go to Girls Camp. Being a YCL will rock, it'll be the last time you see those 3rd ward girls, (or go to girls camp for that matter..) and it's important to have those experiences. Roast a few Starbursts for Future Sarah.

Enjoy your home. The space and the freedom, really appreciate every moment of it...because it will be gone before you know it.

Dear 17,

I know you've lost a lot the past year. A hole has been created in your heart that will never really go away, and your entire grasp on life has been altered. Your friends, they're teenagers and you all have made mistakes, just let the hurt go...you have bigger things to worry about and I have a firm belief that if they were supposed to be a part of your life, they would be. Relationships of any kind can be hard, but they should never be quite THIS hard. (Keep this in mind that freshman year of college, because yeah! You're going.) Try to focus on what you have instead of what you've lost...and stick to those you know you can trust. (Your online friends for one, they rock.) You're actually dealing with everything really well, but I know you're hurting. Talk to someone about it, instead of taking your pain out on them.

Focus on school more. I know you're trying to keep everything together but you're putting too much pressure on yourself and thats bound to cause some slips and make you more disappointed in yourself than you already are. Dont let that Amy girl in APUSH make you feel ugly on the day you guys have to dress up either. I know you're self concious, but giving up and hiding at the back of the classroom while everyone has fun, isn't practical. (Also the 0 you get for the assignment pretty much stinks too.) Stand up for yourself once in awhile. School will come naturally if you let it and don't worry about Wendy's. Work smirk. Wendy's will always be there. You're better than that.

Also, don't schedule your dentist appointment on the same day as locker check, because A) You won't remember your locker combination and B) You'll have THE hardest time asking for it because your mouth will still be numb when you get to school because of said dentist appointment... Actually, scratch that, do it anyway. It gives you something to laugh about once in awhile..

I really wanted to go further and do some paragraphs for a couple more. Theres a lot I wish I could go back and tell myself so I could do it over again and get it right. But I'm going to give the job of writing those paragraphs to Future Sarah.

What about you? What is something you wish you could go back to tell yourself?

Camping!

2009-09-07T17:30:00.002-06:00

For Memorial Day weekend, we went up to Cedar Mtn. and did some good old fashioned camping. It was alright but I miss Duck Creek. I want to stay there instead of Aunt Terry's property next year. I love the memories at that old place.

Like our awesome auctions we used to have at the Woolsey-Hopkins reunions that we no longer have.

Look how cute I was!! I think I pretty much always sat by Grandpa during these things, I loooooved watching the adults bid and it was so much fun. Our Gordon reunions dont seem that fun to me anymore. Maybe its cuz I'm old..

Anyways, I have pictures of our lovely camping trip! And a lovely story as well..

So my story is...we were bored so we asked my Grandpa if we could go fourwheeling and he let us. We had an awesome time! We went on this trail that was fun, KC rode with me and Mom rode ahead of us. We really did have a blast and it was nice to get away from camp with some alone time for just us. Soo. That said, we went into the village because Kelsy was hungry and a Park Ranger all of a sudden pulls up in his truck behind us in the restaurant parking lot. He gets out and informs us that Kelsy is supposed to be wearing a helmet. So long story short... We didnt know he was supposed be wearing one and we found out my license has been suspended of sorts since my accident....two years ago. Sooo, he gave me a ticket for it...which I found annoying because had I known, he would've had a helmet. But oh well. It was really traumatic in the moment and I was upset and now I'm just irritated at getting a ticket because I hadn't had one since my accident! But oh well.

We spent a lot of time by the campfire because we had FREEZING rain while we were up there and Im pretty sure I ate way too many marshmallows, I love roasting marshmallows. It's an art!

So overall it was an okay experience, but if we have the money, I want to go to Duck Creek. Cook in the campfire!! Can't wait. :)

Happy Birthday Aidan!

2009-08-05T17:24:00.001-06:00

He turns 2 today! Happy Birthday buddy!

I hope you guys have fun at Hogle Zoo!

Layton Vacation

2009-08-01T15:44:00.001-06:00

For the 24th of July we headed back up to Layton to see Brandi and the fam. Her boys are soo cute! (Dusty included ;) ) It was a blast, we went to the temple open house in Oquirruh! It's so pretty in there, it makes me wonder even more what the inside of the St. George temple is like.

Pretty plain on the outside (in my opinion) but I really thought the tour was cool!

And then the rest of the time, we hung out with Brandi and the boys! Eathan is so big already! Who said he was allowed to grow that fast! And! Aidan is almost 2! That just boggles my mind!

He's trying so hard to roll over! He actually did it once on his own while we were there, but I didn't have the camera ready and I missed it, so here is him trying really hard!

Aidan loves to give the baby kisses and is usually really nice to him, you can tell he's a little jealous of the attention but he doesn't take it out on the baby. Also his favorite phrase was "Wow! Nice!" It was awesome the way he said it lol.

He's so cute!

We even brought the Wii up to play Mario Kart and Mario Party. It was so funny, we played Mario Kart first and Dusty had just gotten off work, and he kept falling asleep at the wheel..literally! haha.

And then we played Mario Party waaay late at night, so we all look like idiots.

We brought up a ton of fireworks to light on the 24th and that was soo much fun, however I think the neighbors were starting to hate us cuz we were lighting off really really louds one til like 11:30 that night lol it was a blast though!

And Brandi gave Aidan some sparklers and I got some cool shots of that!

This is really funny, we didn't really know what each firework did so we were trying to be cautious, well this one, didn't shoot straight up, it shot like all around, so Dusty had to take off running after he lit it so he wouldn't get it, it was soo funny cuz the first time he did lit one, it took us all by surprise and then the second time he lit one and then just took off. It was hysterical and we were all giggling.

Speaking of loud fireworks. Poor baby lol

It was an awesome trip and I bawled the day we had to leave cuz I miss them so much and I can't wait til I go up again or they come down!

Miss you guys!

The Big 1-0! Part 2

2009-07-20T15:27:00.005-06:00

After having a family day for KC's birthday on the 16th, the next day he had a birthday party with all his friends!
Let me just say....11 or so 10 year olds + swimming + pizza party = exhausted adults.
But Kelsy has declared it the best birthday ever, so I think it was worth it.
First we got to Sand Hollow and we were there an hour before they opened. So they were nice enough to let the kids go out back to the playground while we worked on the gift bag things. I can't remember what they're called at the moment.
Then FINALLY the pool opened and they got to go swimming! And when we realized we forgot pool toys I ran down to the dollar store to get some more.

Needless to say, it looked like they were having fun.

It was really funny/gross because I was so stressed and worried on how we were going to find all these kids when it was time to leave to go to Pizza Hut for the pizza party portion of the birthday celebrations. So for the whole two hours they were swimming I kept trying to come up with a way we were gonna find all these kids in a packed pool. And then! Just as we were about to go out to round up kids....all of a sudden lifeguards were making EVERYONE get out of the pool! Apparently someone had a baby that had pooped in the pool and they had to clean it out! Ahahahaha. It was sooo funny, it was like, problem solved!

So we rounded up all the kids, grabbed the cake and ice cream and headed over to Pizza Hut!
Where we ate, opened presents and had cake and ice cream!

I love the look on his face in this picture. A friend gave him Jumpstart for 6th Grade. And the look on his face is like LAMEST. PRESENT. EVER. I have to LEARN?!!? it was funny :P

Harry Potter!! *tear* his first haha

Kelsy opening the game he really wanted from me.

I love the weird look on my face. (thanks mom.)

And the most awesome cake that was worth all the stress! Harmons did the actual frosting and the palm trees, but the rest of the actual pool stuff was ours! It turned out awesome and when I say all the stress, that includes the running around town trying to find stuff small enough for a cake that looked like pool stuff. We pwn!

Me lighting the 10 candles burning my finger on that dang lighter!

Make a wish!!!!!!!!!!

Again, Happy Birthday KC. I love ya.

The Big 1-0! Part 1

2009-07-18T11:05:00.014-06:00

Kelsy turned 10 On Thursday! I can't believe he's that old. Its very surreal to think that 10 years ago he was born and that my most vivid life memories now all include him and its just weird. He's been here half my life now. I love him so much and I'm grateful for a little brother, even on the days he drives me nuts.

Anyways, on Thursday we just celebrated his birthday just as a family.

We went bowling. Which KC beat me at! =P

Halfway through the game we had to put the bumpers up for me because I suck that much lol.

After that we were tired, and the bowling alley was so HOT.
So we went to Red Robin for Lunch/Dinner.

They sang to him! He was so embarrassed, it was soo funny.

But he got some free ice cream and balloons out of the deal.

Until they got untied and floated up to the ceiling!

Happy Birthday Kelsy! :)

Peaches N. Creme.

2009-07-15T17:32:00.004-06:00

I got a puppy! She's soo cute. And the blog title is her name. (oh yes I know, I'm hilarious. Insert a fake laugh at my expense here.)

We went to Harmons to pick out a birthday cake for KC and the community bulletin board caught my eye so I walked over there to read it and there was an ad for some chihuahua puppies. I hadn't been looking for a puppy, the thought hasnt even entered my mind but when I saw the picture of her, I just had to have her. Stuff like that happens to me a lot and when I follow through, usually good things happen. So here she is. Little Miss Peaches. She's very spoiled, they gave her a lot of attention so she whines like crazy when she doesn't get her way, but she'll grow out of it. She loves to pounce on things, she looks like a cat. It's hysterical.

Here she is, snuggling in her little bed with some toys! I'm way excited, you have no idea. Which is crazy for me if you know me because I like looking at animals, but having one was never on my gotta have list. So the fact that I'm so attached is odd.

The Box

2009-07-14T16:03:00.000-06:00

So. I sent a present to my friend Amber on the other side of the country last month and O.M.G. I hate the USPS. HATE. with a fiery burning passion, hate. It took 3 weeks to get there, but not before getting lost and mangled and I just hope everything got there, as I didn't put an inventory list in there!
I thought I'd tell my story with some pictures. Because I'm bored. Oh so very bored.

Here is the package at the St. George post office. All nice. And pretty. And taped up. I even bought the extra delivery confirmation thing for kicks.

(We joked that I was sending her the bald man. But come on. That would've been way out of my price range.)

3-9 days later...Amber still hasn't recieved it and I'm getting a little ansty because of all the precious cargo inside the aformentioned box! So I call customer service for the USPS (which I've never ever had to do before.) and a snotty guy tells me that it hasn't been 15 days and I can't file a lost mail form or whatever until then. And thats when I started to panic. Lost? Why would it get lost?! It had an address on it! I paid (the very expensive) postage! So I said fine and hung up.
Day 13 I got THIS in the mail. The card that I had in the box got sent back to me. NOT. COOL. Where was the rest of it? I felt soo sick.

So I called customer service again and the lady (who was actually nice) that answered said to call first thing on day 15 if she doesn't get it and file a claim.

I only waited til the next day and filed a claim and got the 'someone will call you within 24 hours.' garbage.

THEN, that night. Amber texts me and says she got the box. Figures.

It was funny cuz all the text said was Box!

However, this box is brown, and my box was white!

I was skeptical...

Then after a bent fork and some major amounts of exertion

she finally got the box open. To reveal...a bag! I didn't send her any trash.

Well..that depends on your definition, but I say no.

Then inside of the bag was another box...in a bag.

WE CARE? Are they trying to be sarcastic?

Hey! Thats my box! That was inside a bag inside a bag inside a box!

and the precious cargo amidst other things. :)

Needless to say, I won't be shipping anything with the USPS for awhile. And with 44 cent stamps, all they're getting from me is my netflix subscription.

The 4th of July!

2009-07-10T11:30:00.001-06:00

Our 4th was awesome! We bbqed and at some delicious food and then went and saw the fireworks at the Sunbowl! It was a blast, and I got to play with my new camera during the fireworks and got some pretty cool pictures. First...here are some of me and KC playing around during the Crest Country Concert thing.

We're a couple of good looking kids, I know. Haha.

And then,

FIREWORKS!

I LOVE this one even though its blurry. Cuz while KC loves fireworks, he always and I mean ALWAYS covers his ears during them cuz he hates the sounds and so I loved being able to capture the true him during the fireworks I guess.

when life gives you lemons...

2009-06-29T19:41:00.006-06:00

....shower in lemonade!

We love Pirate Island Pizza in this house. Mainly cuz it has an arcade haha. But it's a fun place to go and my family and I went there the other night for some dinner and had a little mishap.

See when you go in with a kid, they give you two free tokens for the arcade. So KC and I decided we would have spinning contests while we waited for our food to see who could get theres to spin the longest.

(he kept winning!) until....

I spinned my token too hard and my hand slipped and it knocked my lemonade off the table and it first flew in the air, showering me in lemonade before falling to the floor. It was pretty funny and I was sooo embarrassed. KC thought it was hilarious too, so after we were finished eating, we took a picture. And I thought it would make a funny blog post. =P

depression

2009-06-20T11:52:00.001-06:00

A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better.

So there.

awkward...

2009-06-18T20:39:00.002-06:00

I found this very funny website called http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ .... I pretty much laughed my head off...(and submitted a picture of my own haha). I got at kick out of it.
Also, another one of my FAVS is http://www.notalwaysright.com there is so much time you can waste of those, and have a laugh and smile, all at the same time.

tehehe

2009-06-10T18:39:00.003-06:00

if you could hear me, i was squealing like a fangirl with no shame as i watched this...and will continue to replay it a few times.

Cut and Color!

2009-06-08T12:28:00.006-06:00

While I was living in Logan, St. George got a Paul Mitchell school, so instead of going to Evans I decided to go there and give them a shot. I recolored my hair darker and got it trimmed. (I'm trying really hard to grow it out again and I'm so impatient.)
So I got all dolled up today and took some pictures of myself like a goober and then played with some photo effects. And how rare, a couple turned out cute. So here I am!

Before....

(Yes, I wear that shirt a lot, thank you for noticing haha)

And...*drumroll*...After!

Photoshoot Giveaway!

2009-06-06T16:09:00.003-06:00

It's so funny, I've been trying to save up some money to have professional pictures of my family taken so we have something nice to hang in our house, and I stumbled upon this blog! Natasha is a new photographer that is trying to grow her profile and I love how she got started in photography, I think it's so exciting to not realize how much you love doing something until you get going at it. :) :) :) So she's giving away a free photoshoot and I thought it was fate! So I hope I win, I took a look at some of the stuff she's got on her blog and it looks fabulous! Go comment on her blog to enter!

Memorial Day

2009-05-31T12:32:00.004-06:00

This year for Memorial Day I wanted to do something special, so my family and I went out to Ely and decorated my great-grandparents grave. My great-grandma always did it for everyone else so I wanted to be able to return the favor to her. I hope she appreciated it.

We also took some cute pictures of KC and I at the cemetary (a little morbid, I understand. But hey! The grass was so green and it was a beautiful day so they turned out cute. Not my fault.) Needless to say it was a great little mini vacation.

The Simonsons!

2009-05-21T10:47:00.007-06:00

So! Long time no see, I know. I've been super busy/tired and just haven't had time to do all the things I want to do. So, here I am, presenting my cousin and her beautiful family.

A few months ago I told Brandi that when she went into the hospital I would babysit Aidan for her so she wouldn't have to worry about him if she wanted. She and Dusty thought it over and said yes, so I was soo excited to be able to babysit! I love that little boy, I want one just like him... (screaming temper tantrums and all haha.) But then I found out that her family wasn't going to be able to come up because of work and stuff so she wasn't going to have anyone at the hospital with her except Dusty. So my Mom, KC and I packed our bags and stayed with them for a few days to help out, and Brandi asked me to be in the delivery room with her and Dusty and take pictures! I was sooo grateful that she let me be there and help support her. It was great, thats how family should be :)

So, I took my two cameras and pretended to be Miss Professional Photographer and got some awesome hospital shots and then we did a little pretend professional photoshoot with Eathan when he got home, so here are some of my favorite shots for your viewing pleasure.

Aidan was so cute when he woke up, he wasn't quite sure what to think that we were all sleeping in the dining/living room. So I got up and I got him fed, bathed, and dressed, ready for the day!

His shirt says "I'm the BIG Brother." It was so cute lol

Then we got to the hospital at around 12ish noon to get settled in and wait for the baby. So we all hung out for about an hour until Brandi was ready and then Eathan was born! I kept tearing up after he came out cuz I was so overwhelmed and happy for them. I liked that feeling. It was scary at first because the cord was wrapped around his neck twice so he was really blue, but they got him crying and breathing good, so he was better in no time. Heres some of my fav pictures from the hospital that I took. (Note: I've been playing around with a copyright image, this is the first of many variations to come I'm sure.)

Like the announcement I made says, he was born May 7th, 2009 at 1:05 pm. He weighed 7lbs 9oz and I was so excited to catch this shot of him on the scale with his weight haha.

I love the look on Aidans face here, he was fascinated and then couldn't stop pointing and saying "Baby!"

I got this smile from him saying baby so much lol. See how blue the poor thing is? He was such a good baby though.

I just like this picture. Don't ask me why. I love the It's a boy! sign and the lighting. *shrugs* Idk. So that was the end of the hospital adventure. We left the parents and baby and took Aidan to get some lunch and he fell asleep at the table with his head in his plate. It was so funny, he would take a bit of his sandwich and start chewing with his eyes closed and then just about go to sleep and then wake himself up. We tired him out a lot lol. I have pictures, but I've got so many already on this post that it's insane.

So then the next day we brought the baby home and we had our own little minature photosession that was a blast for me, I'd love to do this professionally if I got a good enough camera and a few more skills. But these are my favorite shots.

I miss them so much already. I hope I can visit again soon. Brandi tells me the baby is already getting so big. Hey! Tell him I said to stop growing til I can come back up again!

:) :) :)

introducing....

2009-05-10T11:21:00.001-06:00

Details to come!

The Long Haul

2009-05-02T10:36:00.007-06:00

Ah, moving. How I hate thee. You're a pain. You're tiring. And you make me realize just how much crap I have.

I moved! I'm all settled in the great STG now and life is pretty good. I call it the Long Haul 09 because holy cow, do I have way too much stuff for a single person. TOO MUCH. As soon as I got home, I'm pretty sure I threw/donated the majority of it because I couldn't believe how much stuff I have accumulated...

And this isn't even the tip of the ice berg! This is the day before I moved, thinking ah, all I have left is my tv, computers, and bedding. HA! Naive..

Then! I get attacked! By the air conditioning vent in my room. My mom shut it while I was away so the cool air wouldn't be wasted in an unused room. But it was starting to get soo hot inside it while I was setting up my bedroom so I tried to pull the lever down to open it back up. But it was too high. so I grabbed a cord and jumped up, catching the lever and pulled down, and the whole vent cover came crashing down and hit my forehead :(( It hurt, and I'm now injured. However my mom thinks its funny to tease me that I have two loose screws...

The Culprit...

The Victim...
I was feeling bad afterwards lol so we went to Pirate Island Pizza, it's a new place up by Stadium 8 that opened. (New to me at least, I haven't lived here for awhile..) But it's pretty fun, we had a blast in the arcade. The kids menu, turned into a hat....hehe...

STG Adventures have officially begun!

Shopping Trip!

2009-04-17T07:57:00.005-06:00

So I had two luxurious days off in a row this week. And yesterday I drove down to Layton and took Brandi on a well deserved and much needed shopping trip. Last time I was there she was saying how she only had like one pair of pants and two shirts and they were really crappy and didn't fit good. So I felt bad and saved some extra money from my last paycheck and we went and found some clothes!

First we stopped at the Layton mall and went into a store called Motherhood. Everything was sooo expensive but we found some pants and shirts and stuff and she tried a few things on. The girl in the dressing room next to her had like 4 women shopping with her and they were so funny. While I was waiting she comes out in this shirt with these circles all over it and is like "I look like a couch!" and I started cracking up, just cuz of the way she said it. So I put my hand up to cover my face and her mom sees me and is like "No, it's okay, you're allowed to laugh." haha. It's probably a you had to be there moment but it was pretty funny.

Anyways, so she didn't like any of the pants except for one but they were waaaay too much money so we didn't get them. And then we found two shirts that fit sooo cutely. But they were 30 dollars each so she picked one (I really want to go back and get the other one haha, I didn't mind paying 60 bucks for two shirts...) and we went to check out and I swear it took 15 minutes just to pay cuz the lady kept trying to offer us promotion after deal after special. Blah! She liked the sound of her own voice. But this is the shirt we got. (sort of, the one we got has green/yellow mixed in with the blue, but it's the same design.)

She looks sooo cute in yellow. I wish I would've made her model for the camera.

So after we left the mall we went over to Kid2Kid and found like 3 pairs of pants, (1 capri, 1 jeans, and 1 a khaki cargo thing that can be pants or role up into capris) and a really light yellow shirt. And then a Diego jacket for Aidan (I love love love the way he says Diego, its so cute and funny lol) and then some camping clothes for the baby that wont fit till like July haha. And for all that, we paid the same amount that we paid for the one shirt haha. It was pretty funny, and then we ran to Wal-Mart and got a camisole to go under the shirt pictured above and then got some lunch. It was soo fun :) And then after that I hung out at their house for like 5-6 hours talking to Dusty and Brandi, and playing with Aidan. I have pictures, but I gotta upload them from my phone. It was an awesome day though, hopefully she feels better with some new clothes now.

The Adventures of Moving

2009-04-11T08:40:00.006-06:00

So my mom set up a date for Baja to go to our house and get my internet set up in advance so I'm officially leaving Logan on Wednesday, the 29th, which yes is in 2 weeks. (holy crap!) I'm excited for familiar surroundings and people and stuff. There is a downside to familiar like old issues that I was able to run away from and escape to Logan, but now I'll have to decide whether or not to face them or ignore them some more. Ah, Family.

I'm looking for an apartment, I think my roommate is falling through. I don't know if she just doesn't want to or doesn't think she can or what, but I'm frustrated and I miss her. I wish she'd just talk to me and let me know whats going on. I can be a very helpful person...I don't get mad easy, blah.. Just tell me whats up, please? Sigh.

Brandi is getting closer to her due date, she has such a cute belly. I'm so happy for her. Dusty is awesome, he's so funny and just an awesome person to be around. I'm so excited to watch Aidan when they go to the hopsital lol, he's exhausting, but it was a blast to play with him yesterday. It was soo funny, I would chase him to his bedroom and he'd sit in there and wait for me to jump around the corner. And then once I was exhausted I went and sat back on the couch in the living room, and he runs out of his bedroom and gives me this disappointed look like, DUDE, you forgot me in there! And then kept motioning for me to chase him again. haha, it was adorable.

So basically I'm all packed, I need to finish packing my bathroom, but that can wait til the last minute cuz it needs to be cleaned before i move anyways. I don't know what I'm going to do with all my food. Maybe I should throw a party and invite people over and feed them all the random crap in the fridge to get it gone so I don't have to worry about sorting through it later. haha.

We kept trying to get him to smile and take a picture with me,
but I don't think he realized it was a camera cuz it was my cellphone haha.

memes, oh how i love thee..

2009-04-10T08:01:00.000-06:00

Sue me, I was bored.

When was the last time you...
1. kissed someone? ....never. :(
2. drank coffee? ....November 4th lol I only know the date because Starbucks was giving away free coffee to voters, so I took advantage of that.
3. read a book? ....Last month. Yeesh, I've been busy. I feel illiterate now or something.
4. cursed? ....yesterday. Whilst on the freeway in SLC
5. had a nightmare? ....last week. (i consider getting married to Toby Keith a nightmare...)
6. checked your email? ....this morning. nothing but junk as usual.
7. had a crush? ....Oh, um...September I think? Late August? I'm not doing too hot in the boy department.
8. drove a car? ....yesterday.
9. rode a rollercoaster? ....disneyland with my family last May.
10. took a nap? ....Monday. Was almost late for work cuz of it
11. went to the movies? ....February. Went and saw Shopaholic, (pretty cute)
12. drank alcohol? ....when I was 6. Long story. It involves halloween, chocolate, and horrible neighbors.
13. went to a party? ....really. long. time.
14. said "I love you'? ....yesterday to my grandpa.
15. cooked a meal? ....night before last. Dusty and Brandi made me dinner last night :D
16. exercised? ....I walked around ikea for three hours yesterday, that counts as exercise, right?

Updates

2009-04-07T12:36:00.006-06:00

Soo...The post secret event on Wednesday rocked, I got Frank to sign my book and it was really fun to hear him speak. I'm so going to send in a postcard now! He's an amazing speaker.

Other than that I've just been working and planning frantically to get ready to move. I'm doing it by myself this time so it's much more stressful than I planned. I'm going to be babysitting Aidan when Brandi goes into the hospital for the new baby and I'm trying to work that into my schedule. My mom thinks we're both crazy trying to plan ahead for a baby, but hey, it doesn't hurt to try :)

I've been looking for an apartment in St. George but they're pretty expensive. I asked someone to room with me and she sounded excited about it, but I haven't heard anything about it since. I hope she still wants too though, I think it'd be a blast to share an apartment with one of my best friends that I've known all my life.

I also got a bunch of pictures from the summer developed. 8 months later haha. So drum roll.. heres a couple

KC learning to fish at the family reunion...

(I got so sunburned that day.)

Me at Cami's wedding.

The group of girls at Cami's wedding.

Twas time for a change.

2009-03-29T20:10:00.001-06:00

Whatcha think of the new layout? It's perdy...

I miss the days...

2009-03-29T11:34:00.004-06:00

....when I had to upload pictures to my laptop all the time because my memory card was getting full of memories. I miss those days. :) Take some pictures with me people!

Work is good. I got a bonus and am now advanced to Tier 2! Which to me just basically means I've been there long enough to know what I'm doing haha.
I'm so excited to move back to St. George, but it's bittersweet. Cuz while I'm excited to be going back down there and hopefully sharing an apartment with someone, (of whom I'm really really excited, but I don't want to get my hopes up so I'm not saying anything until it's official.) I'm going to miss Logan. (Not the snow. I'm done with the snow for a few months!!!!!) But, I shall be back. I move at the beginning of May/End of April, depending on what my work schedule is and then I will be coming back Fall 2010. So be ready for me, I'm going to kick butt when I come back...(and hopefully be debt free whilst doing it!)

All smiles.

PS: POST SECRET ON WEDNESDAY! Got my ticket! Gonna buy a book for Frank to sign!

Oh boy..

2009-03-27T13:24:00.002-06:00

My best friend got kissed last night for the first time. And I couldn't even be happy for her because of how jealous I am. I'm such a horrible person. I need professional help. Seriously.

Is it just me?

2009-03-07T12:03:00.003-07:00

I've noticed lately that the random 'uploading of a photo with pictures labeled with personalities and they tagging your friends' thing on facebook has really taken off...it's the most random thing on the planet to do. (besides turning your notepad into Facebooks version of the bulletin board. Woe is me..) But, how does this help you network with friends? Is it supposed to be funny? Maybe if you had friends with inside jokes it would be. I guess. I think I like being honest too much, because I'm sure I'd get myself in trouble with it. Like labeling the liars and the annoying ones...those seem to not be on there to label though. Hmm.

I don't know, maybe I'm bitter because I've only been tagged in one. And that it said the one full of hot air. So I figure this is me, expelling some of that hot air. Meanies..
Whats funny is that while I'm ranting about this practice, it's only a matter of days until I upload one and succomb to the same act. Sigh. Weird weird weird.

Rant over. XD

Holy Cow

2009-02-24T23:37:00.007-07:00

Has it been a month?! Really? Yeesh, this month has really flown by.

For starters, they're changing my job drastically. Changing it from Telecommuting Agent (TCA) to Remote Agent (RA). And basically all that means is that I'll be getting a new team lead and that I can live wherever I want and still have a job!

So...drum roll....

Sarah is moving back to St. George! I love it here in Logan and was looking forward to getting my own apartment this summer, but I'm so glad to be able to move back home for a little while. I'm going to be living with my mom for a few months and then getting my own place. I'm going to live down there for (at most) a year and then move back to Logan to finish school because I'll have enough money by then. Yaaay! I feel like I'm taking a step back in life instead of moving forward... but I feel great about it. I miss St. George tremendously. (which is funny considering how much I was DYING to leave two years ago.)

Other than that, nothing to report. I got a haircut. whoo. I think I look like a rocker chick when i straighten it now with all the texture she put in, but I love it. I'll have to..buy more black or something haha.

Whoa, insight!

2009-01-23T18:20:00.002-07:00

I picked the secret below because I related to it a lot and made me think a lot about it.

Well, someone emailed this response
"Finding the things that you weren't looking for is one of the most amazing surprises in life. Maybe you're someone's amazing surprise."

I hope I'm someones surprise.

PostSecret and Presidents

2009-01-21T10:46:00.005-07:00

I heart postsecret. Have I ever mentioned that? Probably have. I liked this secret from this week. I find it funny that strangers can form words to my feelings that I can't. It rocks.

Frank is coming to USU in April, I'm soooo excited. I can't wait to hear him speak.

Also, I have a list of New Years Resolutions after waiting 21 days to sit and think about it. But I don't know if I'm going to post it. I'm not the make huge goals and never accomplish them kind of person so my resolutions are smaller and more personal, things I can actually achieve. But maybe as I finish them I'll post them. idk, still thinking.

President Obama! Pretty funny he and the Chief Justice both messed up the oath of office. Makes him seem even more human. That was awesome, and I don't blame him one bit. Congrats Prez, I hope you do a fantastic job the next few years.

Needs

2009-01-11T19:10:00.000-07:00

google your name + 'needs' and see the results. i found this on the net somewhere, so I decided to see what was out there. I love Google Games.

Sarah needs ... a cold shower, self-esteem.
-lmao. i hope the two aren't related...

Sarah needs ... your manly vote - manly men of manliness..
-umm...

Sarah needs ... is on facebook.
-heh. that one just made me laugh. it's not grammatically correct, but it made me laugh given my obsession with facebook lately

Sarah needs ... to lean on her man.
-what man?! is he hiding??

Sarah needs ... to hand him one of those weapons that went off without warning...
-dirty or violent? both?

Well, that was refreshing haha.

Rut in the Road

2009-01-11T18:43:00.004-07:00

I keep coming onto here going, I'll post when I have something interesting and profound about my life that I can say to enlighten the masses. So I'll go and try and do something interesting (founding myself at work..) and then the circle keeps going round and round and I wait again for something interesting to come along.

However, I got nothing so I decided just to come on here so that I can feel good about myself and the fact that I have neglected my beautiful blog.

Life is moving along. It's boring and lonely but it's stable.

My Birthday- was a blast. I worked for a few hours, then came home, made my favorite kind of cake and just relaxed, something I hadn't had a chance to do for a few weeks at that point. Then Dena and I went to see Twilight (amazing!) and that was really fun. She's so great to hang out with. That night, Marietta, Rachel, Idris and I all went to Chili's for dinner. SOO YUMMY! The waitress...gah, I laugh about it now but she was so odd. Once we were done eating M asks if they do anything for birthdays and she proceeds to list things they USED to do, and then goes but I can get you a shake, and so I was like okay..cool, what kind. And she says chocolate. (sarah hates chocolate ice cream.) So I'm no, no thats okay I'm good. So the waitress leaves. Then comes back. She says she can get me a scoop of ice cream. And I'm like vanilla? and she goes, I'll be rigth back..and leaves. Then comes back. and says okay, I can make you a strawberry shake as long as you don't tell anyone and don't ask for it again.

Umm, did I ask for it? lol I've never felt so guilty eating a shake before!
But my birthday rocked, I was really depressed for it, and it turned out wonderful.

Home, Haircuts, and Happiness

2008-11-29T21:41:00.004-07:00

So. Busy life.

I finally got to down to St. George the weekend before Thanksgiving. I sooo needed that. It was great to be down there again and relieve a little stress (and sleep in a big bed!)

I also got a haircut, better picture coming soon, this is the best I have (been too tired to get all spiffed up to play with my camera)

My grandma's reaction was, why is it so dark? and yet who used to die her hair black all the time? at least mine is still a brown shade! It's just as dark brown as possible without being a gothic black haired..person.

But I love the haircut. After having long long long hair for a while, i like short hair, it's easier to maintain. I don't have to get up an hour early just to do my hair. It's saweeet.

Also, KC got baptized!! Will post pictures of that too, they're still on my cellphone.

But overall, I'm happy. I'm exhausted because I've been working overtime to have some money for christmas because my mom still doesn't have a job. I have no idea what I'm going to do for my birthday besides seeing Twilight (and WORKING). Caaaan't wait for Twilight! I bought a cake that I'm gonna make myself and some ice cream. But I have a hunch that it's going to seem more like a pity party than an actual birthday. I'd invite people over but everyone is busy with finals and stuff so I'd rather not ask, than to get rejected lol.

On the boy front, all's quiet. I think I've given up on having friends let alone meeting a guy and actually being able to carry on a conversation without him turning to someone more interesting. Makes me sad, I told my home bishop and he told me to talk to my bishop up here about it, but idk...that seems kind of pathetic to me? Yeah hi, spiritual advisor, I can't get a date, will you guilt someone into it for me? k. thanks!

Buuuuuuuuuut, anyways. Life is good, smooth, and busy. I can't wait for Christmas. I miss the days of Christmas vacation but alas, hopefully I'll get to take a vacation in a few months to get away from real life for awhile. I miss my family, and my cousins. I need to somehow convince them all to move up here. Cuz we have snow..and cold..and stuff. sigh.

hmm

2008-11-16T21:32:00.005-07:00

i've been crying a lot more lately. it scares me a bit, it reminds me of last spring and that just makes me panic more and cry more. i think it's just the same thing i talked about in the last post.

what's ironically hilarious is i actually got invited to go with one of my roommates somewhere this weekend, and i was too sick from crying to get out of bed. oh the irony.

i miss my old friends. i actually had a dream about crystal the other night and was half tempted to try and text her again. i know that chapter is closed, but you know me. pour salt in them wounds while you open the can of worms. i miss feeling like i matter in someone else's life. after i met those girls, i felt special for the first time in a long time, and now compared to that...i'm just empty...and i miss them, no matter how much they hurt me. it's stupid. I'M stupid.

i don't know how to make these feelings go away. everyone i talk to about it keeps throwing around the idea of taking drugs to help my moods. i don't want them :( i need a friend, hell, i want a boy, but at this point i'll take a friend. someone who's not going to judge me, who won't make me feel bad for how i think. i thought coming back up here was the right thing to do, i prayed and prayed about it. but if it's the right thing to do, why am i so miserable right now?

so very lonely

2008-11-11T19:26:00.002-07:00

For all intents and purposes, I had a great day today. I made my first sale, I kept my handle time down. I even had a conversation with a hilarious girl from CA that went to France a few years ago, right after Bush was reelected, and her friends and her were terrified of what the french people were going to think of them so they kept telling everyone 'Je suis Canadienne!' And you really had to hear how she said this, because it made me laugh so hard, I couldn't even press the mute button before I busted up laughing.

But back to the point. I had a great day. But I did the same thing I do everyday. I get up, I go to work, I come home. Occasionally I'll eat and call my mom. I talk to Amber pretty much 24/7. But thats really all I do, all day everyday. I'm starting to get really really lonely. I was so confident when I got up here that I was going to be able to go to church and make friends and blah blah blah. Maybe I just suck at life, but I don't feel like I've done any of that. My roommates are great, and we all get along...but they have their own friends. And I'm just feeling really worthless right now. I never get to go out and do anything, which is something that has bothered me since high school, but I should be used to it by now. And I think I am, but it doesn't hurt any less, I guess. I'm just really really worthless.

I think I'm gonna go sit in my corner and cry now after this delightful update.

Election 2008

2008-11-04T18:11:00.004-07:00

I wanted to write a little about this election before the winner is announced to express my feelings about it (unbiasedly haha). It was amazing to vote this morning and be a part of this historic election and it's just so exciting to be able to participate in my country's history like this. This day is going to go down in history and I got to be a part of it. I'm soo excited, I wore my sticker proudly all day and then decided to be a dork and spent a little while taking a few pictures with it like it was a celebrity haha.

PS: I voted for Obama. I'm praying he wins. I love that big eared socialist!

Busy Little Bee

2008-10-27T16:06:00.002-06:00

I have been SOOO busy. And then downtime I do have, I use that to sleep and relax to prepare for the uptime!

At the beginning of high school (before facebook and myspace had caught on...) I had a tagged! account..I got a really random email from them today. I haven't used that account in FOREVER. (what is sad is that I'm still using the same email I used to sign up to it.)

Anyways, to get to the point, I decided to go check out what 16 year old Sarah was up to during those few short months before she got a myspace, and I found some fun stuff. Photo's I uploaded that I don't have anymore(yay! I'm a photowhore)were in there, but the best part was the journal entries. So I thought I would share, just in case I never access tagged again. It's nice to remember what I was going through, and get a glimpse at what was going on in my head.

April 16th, 2005

im just in a blah mood i just got back from my first day of work and it was a blast but i keep thinkin of havin to go back to school tuesday and seein all my friends again and it makes me feel blah cuz im tried of all the DRAMA it's very draining you know? and i don't even think that some friends realize what they're doing and thats probably the really annoying part! grr yeah it doesn't make sense i know

I honestly don't remember my first day of Wendy's. I remember the interview and I remember the feelings I had that day. Mainly terror on my first day of work. I remember feeling smug because I got the hang of the register after just a few hours and was able to work it without help. I'm glad that I at least had fun.

May 6th, 2005

ughh my job is totally stressing me out. it's like draining my energy!! i keep telling myself that i'll get used to it cuz i've only been working for about three weeks but come on it's gotta get easier and all it seems to be is getting worse!! ughh it just sucks when i have a good day at school and like have a "hyper high" and then have to go to work right after school and it's like but i've already used my energy for the day....yesterday i even hid out behind a wall pretending to pick stuff up off the floor just so i could sit down!!! lol it was kind of funny but still!!
MY MOM GRADUATED TODAY!!!!
omg that was sooo exciting, even though i had to watch my brother for two and a half hours, it was still awesome!!! I can't believe she actually has her bachelors now, that is just....ahh im in shock and awe!!

ok so im stressed and tired and lots of other emotions mixed in but overall i had a pretty good day, even got a new dress ;)

A) I remember that part. I was so frustrated that I wasn't getting used to work. Everyone else seemed to be unphased by running for 7 hours day in and day out. I utilized that, hide and pretend to be doing something in order to rest my weary feet trick A LOT. I was exhausted. However, I think that had to do more with the house stuff that started around this time. My mom didn't invite my grandparents to her graduation because of it.

B)I still have that new dress...I wear it as a long shirt now because I've grown 5 inches haha.

May 19th, 2005

GRRR!!!!!! I just went on powerschool and saw the classes they gave me instead of french!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! grr it makes me so mad, we're already working sooo hard on the french club for next year and I can tell right now that we're going to have SOO much fun (even tho I feel pushy and am probably annoying everyone) and now they cancel our class??? AHHHHHH!!! it makes me mad you know?? I've been in the class for three years and just when it's all starting to make sense they're going to take it away?? when the teacher for next year has already said he'd teach it???? whats up with that??? I want to go storm the counseling center with protest signs or something!!! okay...maybe not exactly storm and the protest sign will be a small folded piece of paper tucked safely into my pocket, but something has to be done, they can't take it away from us after dedicating three years to the subject already can they??

lmao. I was annoying everyone, and French Club was NOT a blast. But that ended up having to do with the Sarah had no friends Depression game. fun times. not! French Class was almost worse though, poor Mr. Meadows was no Mrs. McArthur. I miss her.

May 21st, 2005

Declaration to the World
MY HOUSE WILL NOT BE SOLD!!!! I WILL DO EVERYTHING WITHIN MY POWER TO STOP IT!!! We took care of my dying great grandmother for two years in exchange for this house and now my grandma thinks that she can just sell it?! NEVER!!!! I'll do whatever i can to stop it, or to at least make it harder for them to sell it, I WILL NOT move again!

Oh, naive little Sarah. There are no words.

Anyways, I thought that was fun. I've been hanging out with my bff A lately whilst relaxing. Pretty much 24/7 and it's great. I can't wait to go see her someday. I'm thinkin it will be a blast. She's an awesome person and has helped me soo much this summer/fall. I wish she had been around more last semester. And work is going great as well. I start taking phone calls tomorrow and I'm more than ready. I'm actually excited. (we'll see how that excitement dwindles once I get an actual headset on...) I promise to update more often, if only for myself because I'm the only one that reads this.

AHAHAHAHA!

2008-10-14T21:28:00.003-06:00

I saw that on myspace just now. I laugh hysterically everytime I watch this video. Mean I know, but sooo freaking funny. Poor girl XD

Anyways, Day 2 of Convergys is down and Day 3 is fast approaching. We've been doing basic orientation stuff. Today I learned that I'm not allowed to sexually harass my coworkers...darn! Anyway, hopefully they'll start teaching us real stuff soon so we can get out on the call floor.

Also, my team lead showed us this video to give us a break from the lectures. Soo funny as well. Anyone who has ever had to call tech support, will completely laugh at this, because we're all idiots. I can't wait until I encounter my first "12:00 Flasher" hehe!

xoxo
Sarah

I went insane yesterday!

2008-10-11T12:11:00.002-06:00

I tell you what, this new twilight trailer realy inspired me, it's awesome!! I went insane yesterday and made icons galore for it. I didn't realize how much this creative block made me miss my precious photoshop until I got going and realized how much fun I used to have doing this.

The first four are my favorites. Although, the "tolerable." one made me laugh when I got the idea for it....because I'm pretty sure kissing Edward would be anything but just tolerable ;)

Other than that, I'm doing okay. I start training at Convergys on Monday and I'm so excited. Also, I have to go pick up my check today from Wendy's and I'm being a cowward haha. But, I'll get the courage up to do it. Apparently it snowed for the first time today, but it didn't stick. My mom told me Uncle Richard is going to STG sometime this month so I might beg him to take me with him, if he has room. I left a bunch of winter stuff there because I didn't think I'd need it until November...yeah...that'll teach me to rely on my own judgements of the weather! It's going to snow before I even have my snowboots!

And! The week before thanksgiving I'll get to see Cody and Janet!! I havne't seen them in years! I haven't seen Janet since before she got pregnant...(so almost 4 years!) So I'm excited about that. Even more excited about the fact that I'll have the money to go down there! haha!

The heater in this stupid apartment is not working and I'm calling the apartment manager tomorrow to have maintenance come look at it. It's ridiculous, most of us are freezing! When it finally does kick on, it's blowing cold air. Grr.

I've been trying to get a hold of Brandi because I heard she moved back to Ogden...but everytime I call her phone it goes straight to voicemail. That probably means she's out of minutes and I'm just praying I have the right number. So we'll see if I can get in touch with her sometime and ask her if she needs anything. I'm a bit worried.

So yes, that is my life right now. I miss my family so so much and hopefully I'll get to see them soon. This weekend at church is Parents Weekend, and thats going to suck, because everyone is going to have family around and I am going to be all by myself. Blah.

hehe

2008-10-10T12:11:00.000-06:00

Twilight HD Exclusive Trailer

so. freakin. excited.

Nuff said. :)

Mixed Emotions

2008-10-06T22:11:00.003-06:00

First, I got a call from Convergys today. I GOT THE JOB! Yay, I'm so happy. I got off the phone and literally screamed. I think I scared the neighbors that live above me.
I really was ecstatic and I was in such a good mood all day.

Second, I registered to vote. Civic duty and all that. And if you're wondering, I registered as a Democrat. I feel like this is a big deal in Utah. So I felt the need to say it. We'll see how I like this party. So far, it rocks. Go Obama.

Third, while I'm ecstatic about the job (and the extremely unexpected pay rate) I'm still frustrated with that other aspect of my life. I know it's not a sin to be single. And I'm mostly happy with myself as a whole. But I would really like a partner. Heck, at this point I'd settle for a smile from someone unexpected. I'm really in the need of a hug and I miss my family terribly. I keep putting myself out there and have tried to meet someone, and make friends. I must be horrible at it because I'm still at home alone all the time. I had a breakdown last night because I'm really lonely and I'm doing all I can, I'm going to every activity and church meeting possible and I'm really talking to people and introducing myself. I don't know what else to do. It hurts and everytime I think about it, it makes me miserable.

And then I get mad that I'm miserable. And then the cycle starts all over. Frustrating!

I often wonder...

2008-10-03T16:11:00.003-06:00

.....what my E! True Hollywood Story would consist of...

What would they talk about? Who would they interview? Hmmm.

Anyways...

I had an interview with Convergys yesterday, and I think I got the job. I'm pretty confident. Theres still a little doubt in my mind, but I'm trying to shove it away. I'm so confident that I've made the decision to quit Wendy's regardless of whether I get this job or not. I'm miserable and the money isn't good. It's nice to be able to walk away. I'm actually supposed to be at work right now...but I'm ditching. My first [no call no show] in my entire life. I actually feel pretty guilty haha, but my soul is on air.

I'm really excited for this job.
A) I could work from home, and set my own hours. They would give me a computer/phone to use and everything. Those of you that know me best, you know how much of a homebody I am. It would be so awesome to be able to do this.

B) They have a tuition reimbursement program. That you are eligible for IMMEDIATELY upon hire. Meaning...I COULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL IN JANUARY!! They would fork over up to 1500 dollars to me, just for getting a job with them!! I could register for classes in a few weeks, and get my college life back on track!! You have no idea how happy this makes me, I miss school and I want a chance to prove myself. This is it!

C) It's customer service/tech support...for a cable/internet company. I've been an internet junkie for HOW LONG?

I'm so ecstatic.

There's a place off Ocean Avenue...

2008-10-01T14:24:00.006-06:00

The Yellowcard concert was AMAZING! I had soo much fun!

Here is our Pre-Moshing Pose

I've never really heard of John Allred or Jason Reeves, but as openers, they were pretty sweet. I didn't fully appreciate them at the time however because I was severely impatient for Yellowcard to come out!

Rachel has a spiffy boyfriend/future fiancee :) so she didn't get to go, (I was sooo sad) so at the very last minute I called up Emily and gave her Rachels ticket. It was a blast. (Until she was lost into the oblivion of the crowd and I had to ditch her...Sorry Emily!)

We were aaaaall the way at the very back... so we found some pushers and followed close behind them to get closer....

and it was pretty hot...and squished in this mosh pit everyone created, so we decided to take a during mosh picture..(Mainly because we both look kinda weird in our Pre mosh pit pic haha)

It was soo much fun despite being kicked by crowd surfers, touched in places nobody had permission to be touching :P and getting my toes stepped on every other second. (My poor big toe has a bruise on it) But it was starting to get really really hot, and waaay too crazy for M and I so we got out of there towards the end of the concert and found a couple of seats to rest on. My black shirt had been stretched and wasn't sitting right, so I had to take it off. My hair was all sweaty so i fashioned my little belt thing into a hair tie and thus the Post Mosh Pic was born

Scary isn't it?

Loneliness + Tears = Sarah

2008-09-28T22:08:00.002-06:00

Dear Whoever You May Be, Wherever You Are,

I've had a rough week. I wish I had someone to talk to about it. I could really use a hug right about now.
I want someone in my life to ask my how my day went, and really care about the answer. These are one of the times I have tears due to loneliness.

I keep wondering if the reason I haven't met anyone that I think you might be is because I'm not good enough. I've been feeling so inadequate lately. I've tried not to be so singleminded about it, and for the most part I've succeeded. But at the end of the day when I"m all alone. It's hard to find other things to concentrate on. I'm trying really hard to be patient. It's just starting to hurt. I miss my family and I'm not making friends besides my roommates. I'm so frustrated with myself.

I'm trying as hard as I can. I really am. I just feel like I"m fighting an uphill battle all by myself. I need some support, someone to let me know I'm doing alright with what I've been given.

I've got almost everything I need except for you. And I'm not one of those women who thinks a man is the answer to everything, but I'm tired of being alone.
xoxo Sarah

Life

2008-09-27T15:56:00.003-06:00

Life is catching up with me and I haven't really had anything to blog about.

Well thats a lie. There's news about stuff here and there but I haven't had the patience to think about it. I've started storing stuff that bugs me in the back of mind and leaving it there. It keeps me in good spirits. But sometime this coming week I'll sit down and pry open the dusty annoying boxes.

I'm struggling with the decision about whether or not to talk about work on here. I can't decide to make the executive decision to refrain. I'll keep thinking about it.

Will update later. Life isn't good or bad, it's just moving along at a different pace and I'm still undecided.

update

2008-09-23T12:31:00.002-06:00

yeah...I got a job today. I'm headed to orientation at 3...

I feel a little bit better about it than I did yesterday..but still a little queasy.

It's going to be okay. I will be okay. This job will be okay?

Am I convincing you? Yeah, me neither.

I think I may throw up...

2008-09-22T13:27:00.002-06:00

I have an interview today...I'll probably get a job.

I'm feeling queasy. But I need money...so this is for the best right? Going back won't be a "crash and burn" kind of situation with fiery flames of hell, right? Right?

Me hopes so.

Waiting and Hoping

2008-09-19T19:14:00.002-06:00

Dear...Whatever Your Name Is,

I'm here, looking for you. I thought maybe it would be a good idea to put it out there in the hopes that you just haven't realized that I'm ready for you. I keep looking into strangers faces hoping to see you. I can't be sure if you're there or not. I didn't realize it would be this hard to find you once I decided to start looking.

I don't know, maybe you're not ready and I just get to be frustrated for a few years. If that's the case, I can try to be patient. It's not my strong suit but I can try. But if you could give me an inkling that thats the reason we haven't found each other yet, I'd be eternally grateful. Literally!

I'm striving everyday to be worthy of you. I can't wait to share my life with you. I keep making mental notes to tell you about certain things when I find you. Like today I made dinner and imagined doing it in our house together. I saw a baby in the store and sighed.

I sound silly, but you'll learn to love that part of my personality..at least I hope so. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait for that spark of intuition when I look into your eyes and you're no longer a stranger.

I'll be waiting...Please hurry.

Always,

Sarah

P.S. If you have a funny last name, that doesn't sound good with my first...do you have a solution to that panic?

Yeah Yeah Yeah..I KNOW.

2008-09-18T17:38:00.008-06:00

I didn't forget! I promise! I just haven't had anything of value to say. I really don't have anything worth saying now, but I wasn't going to go another day without updating.

Well, I need to stick my foot in my mouth because I THOUGHT I didn't have anything worth saying. I just found out my cousin Brandi is pregnant....AGAIN!

I'm so happy that her life is going smoothly...but ... but ... IT'S NOT FAIR! I'm so behind! I want to be where she is! I want a family and a partner! IT'S NOT FAIR! She's only 6 months older than me! I'm so behind!! My cousin THREE DAYS younger than me already has 2 kids..(of course she started when she was 16...not exactly my ideal situation)

This is exciting/wonderful/depressing news. I never knew I could feel something like this. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be. Why can't I reap the benefits?

I'm going in my corner to pout now.

Monday Peeves

2008-09-15T19:45:00.003-06:00

I don't really feel like doing the Monday Peeves thing anymore. It's not as cool as I thought it would be. I'll have to find another meme.

I went to FHE tonight and did my thing. Well, I'm not sure if I accomplished my goal because the guy actually introduced himself to me instead of the other way around. But I met one new person so I feel like it can be placed in the win column. His name is Phil and he's my next door neighbor! A guy that actually lives in Riverside, all the people I've met so far have lived in Oakridge, so that was a nice change.. I hope I get to hang out with him some more! He was really nice and I'm glad he talked to me, I needed someone else to put forth an effort this time. I've been feeling down. Hopefully volleyball tomorrow will make me feel better. Endorphins and such. I'm not sore anymore! Which is good, because that freak soreness was depleting my ibuprofen supply.

If I were doing a Monday Peeve..I'm pretty sure I'd talk about myself and I for one am sick of complaining about my situation on this blog. It's making everything more depressing I think. I want to sit here and rant about how I'm trying so hard and not getting anywhere and am so frustrated, and then getting annoyed with myself for being frustrated after only a few weeks. My deadline is coming up soon though and it's going to kill me if I don't make it!

Anyway, I pledge to try to stop the ranting. It's not making anything better. I'm just going to keep putting myself out there and hoping for the best.

--On the job front, I called this morning to make sure my dream job was still hiring, they haven't filled the position yet but I'm no longer getting my hopes up. The guy on the phone informed me that he has 80 applicants so far. Yeah...fat chance there Sarah! I got off the phone with him and drove over to Wendy's and picked up an application. I filled it out tonight and now have to debate whether selling my soul to that institution again will be worth it. I'm still undecided. I think I may turn it in and then figure out how I feel about going back. I'm really unsure if it's the right thing to do.

My mind won't stop going. I layed in bed, in complete darkness last night for 3 hours before getting to sleep. It's getting ridiculous. I may have to start taking the medicine left over from my car accident just to knock myself out! I'm just worrying and worrying and worrying way too about EVERYTHING and it gets me upset and I start to cry. I haven't found a solution to that problem yet either.

So...in short, rambling form....there are my Monday peeves. Mainly about myself.

My Sunday

2008-09-14T23:03:00.005-06:00

GUESS WHAT?! I'm so excited, I volunteered to take a special sunday school class in family history! I get to spend an hour every Sunday during church researching geneology!! (hence the picture of the family tree gracing this post haha)

It's kind of like a calling, but not really lol. At the beginning of Sunday school Bishop comes in and asks us if anyone is interested in Family History and I raised my hand with a few other people so he yanked us out and asked us if we wanted to do it. I jumped at the chance. They just need to recruit some boys, because there were only girls in there. :-P

I'm so excited. There hasn't been much research done on my dad's side of the family, so maybe I can get closer to that side of myself through that.

Have I mentioned I'm excited?

I'm crazy, shoot me.
No seriously? Please? Shoot me now!

USU FOOTBALL!

2008-09-13T22:43:00.006-06:00

So I went to my first football game tonight. The Utes KICKED. OUR. TRASH. 58 to 10. 48 points worth of trash kicking!

It was fun though! I had a blast, even though we lost. I was upset by the lack of enthusiasm the crowd seemed to have once we were behind. That never happened at Dixie. We ended up cheering louder when we were losing, figuring it would spur the team on to catch up and win. When the Aggies got behind, people actually started to just LEAVE. Seriously?! I know our football team isn't the greatest, far from it, but COME ON!

College football is definitely different than high school football, but some differences don't necessarily mean better.

Cyri was my buddy and we watched the game together.
It was SO fun to sit in a sea of blue again. Brings back good memories!

PS- I'm still SO sore from volleyball that it's a little ridiculous. It hurts to sit down, and get back up again. (getting up and down from the bleachers showed me that. I was wincing every time we sat down or had to get back up...not pleasant!) I don't think this soreness is just from volleyball, but if it's not, I have no idea why I hurt everywhere. It's not like church volleyball is an intense high impact sport...

ouchies

2008-09-12T19:28:00.003-06:00

Less people came to volleyball last night making it 3 on 3 instead of 6 vs. 6....Good news, I got to play more this time and it made it exponentially more fun. Bad news...I got to play more this time, and I hurt. EVERYWHERE. My body is acting like it hasn't moved in years!

The soreness feels good in a way however (I've always liked that muscle ache feeling though, one of the many reasons I ADORE pilates) because I've been feeling so empty the past week or so that this is a welcome change.

With less people this time around it was easier to talk to people and introduce myself. I met some nice people and I can't wait to go again Tuesday. It's nice to have somewhere to go!

also, today is my cousin Ashli's birthday! I'm once again reminded of how old we're getting! insane!!

9/11/01

2008-09-11T14:01:00.003-06:00

7 Years...I can't believe it.

I'm very impressed with Barack Obama and John McCain, they've both stopped campaigning on this day to honor the memory of those lost at ground zero. They've declared a 24 hour campaign truce. I'm sincerely impressed by both candidates.

Having been to Ground Zero two years ago, I know the feeling of reverance when you see that site and realize the enormity of what happened. Television does not give you a good indication of just how HUGE those buildings and that site is. It's incredible.

I'll never forget where I was that day. I didn't know what had happened until 2nd period in Mrs. Johnstons utah history class. She was kind enough to explain the importance of the situation to the class and I remember being horrified at the idea and I couldn't wrap my mind around it, even after seeing the images.

My trip to New York

9/11 Memorial, with all the names of those lost.

There are several of these plaques lined up along the fence bordering Ground Zero. It's a pretty impressive memorial IMO

Ground Zero in 2006. I don't know how much it has changed since I was there, but it was LOUD and there was a lot of construction equipment down in that hole, you couldn't get very close, i had to shove my camera through a fence and zoom in as much as I could to get this shot.

This was taken the same day we went to Ground Zero (actually right afterwards) and the entire East Coast Trip made me feel very patriotic what with visiting Boston first, and then New York and having all these September 11th memories dredged up, and then going to the Statue of Liberty (not to mention jetting down to Washington D.C. afterwards as well) So I wanted to put this up to remember how I felt on that trip. Proud to be American.

mysterious ways

2008-09-11T00:57:00.001-06:00

“If you are single and haven’t identified a solid prospect for celestial marriage, live for it. Pray for it. Expect it in the timetable of the Lord. Do not compromise your standards in any way that would rule out that blessing on this or the other side of the veil.”
Richard G. Scott

God works in mysterious ways, I was looking for a recipe and ended up finding the very thing I needed most. Silly, I know.

shock and awe

2008-09-10T19:16:00.007-06:00

I did NOT forget to blog last night, I was just too exhausted to sit at the computer and type.

A) I went to volleyball in my quest to become more social last night and it didn't go very well. At the very end I was having fun because people were opening up, and I was starting to get better at the sport (not having played it since 9th grade...) but I don't like being ignored, and the boys that were there decided I was either 1- not pretty enough to talk to or 2- not good enough at volleyball to be spoken to.

It was a bit dejecting.

B) Melody's killer pleaded guilty last week to her and her boyfriends homicides from 2005 and I found out last night because I googled her name at random. Don't ask me why. So I called my mom and let her know. My thoughts drifted to Milton and Karen and I hope they're doing okay with all of this, now that the murder can really be put behind them. I once again googled Karen to see if I could find any info on her and still there is nothing on the great wide internet pointing to a Karen Steed in Nevada born in 1984. I miss my almost step sister, which I find strange because we were never that close.

But nevertheless, if anyone knows a greater talented P.I. than me, please give them a call. I don't have Veronica Mars on speed dial.

C) While looking for Karen, (and slipping into the 1 AM hour and finding myself wide awake yet again) I thought back to my Ely days and thought about good ol Ryan. The love of my elementary school heart....another random though, but I thought it was funny that I remembered him. I found him on facebook, and he is still pretty darn cute haha.

So that was my yesterday summed up. Today wasn't too special, I skimmed my favorite parts of Breaking Dawn shamelessly all afternoon, waiting for the dude to call to set up an interview (he still hasn't and I'm getting nervous) and then went to Sam's Club with two of my roommates. I probably seemed distracted or uninterested to them because I was determined not to despair that I had no money to buy stuff. I should just stay away from stores until I have a job, because it's depressing. I have $1.84 to my name now. However I splurged 87 cents and bought a drink. I couldn't pass up 32oz for 87 cents. I just couldn't.

sidenote: I've been so desperate to become more social and meet someone this year that I keep thinking about Matt more and more. I told M about him today and I told Andrea about him on the Great Exodus to Logan 2008 last month. I've never told anyone that wasn't already involved about him and thinking about him is making me blurt out all these secrets. (Unregrettably however, it felt good to tell people my story) I can't believe it still hurts to think about, but because of counseling I at least understand why it hurts. I just wish I could forget and move on. But I want to feel loved again. This time for real. I don't want fabricated feelings from some psycho who is bored.

Monday Peeves

2008-09-08T12:59:00.002-06:00

::Accountability::

It’s always annoying when people don’t own up to their own actions, and instead blame as many other people/events as possible. Which has been the most irritating case of finger-pointing that you’ve observed lately?

I haven't really seen any of this recently as I have no life and no contact with the outside world but in general I can't stand when peple blame their problems on other people. Just take responsibility for what you've done to yourself.

On the other hand, when people blame only themselves when there are others at fault, that also pisses me off, because thats just as unhealthy as never taking the lbame.

too tired

2008-09-07T22:28:00.003-06:00

I'm too tired to blog about my day. Thats a lie, I have a big fat headache from fasting all day and I'm too lazy to take medication for it.

However I went with M to a fireside tonight and I felt like Elder Holland was speaking directly to me because of everything that has been going on and as a result I was bawling the entire time and failed to introduce myself to anyone.

Crush was not in church today and I'm pretty sure he left on his mission already. Oh well. Despite the fact that I desperately want to get to know him and I'm sure he wouldn't have liked me anyway; I'm not going to worry about it and move on. I want to date this year and I'm determined to find a way to make that happen.

Phone update: The check is in the mail and hopefully I will have my phone back by Tuesday.

There I blogged with a killer headache. Go me!

reflection

2008-09-06T19:26:00.001-06:00

10 years ago (1998): I was in 4th grade and on the verge of being uprooted for the first of many times in the span of one year.

5 Years ago (2003): I entered the hallowed halls of DMS as a big bad 9th grader. Little did I know what that would mean.

1 Year ago: Beginning college here at lovely USU and feeling my first few bits of independance

Yesterday: I learned what it was like to live 400 miles away from your family during Laura Ingalls day. (ie: having no phone/internet contact, but NEEDING to speak to someone)

5 favorite books: Twilight, Quest for a Maid, Emeralds and Espionage, Gables Against the Sky, The Secret Journal of Brett Colton

5 Hobbies: Reading, watching movies, embarassingly video games, computers, bargain hunting

3 Dreams: 1. Go to Paris. I want this soo soo soo badly.
2. Learn French; kinda goes with Numero 1 but, I really want to speak this language.
3. Feel good about myself.

i miss my phone!

2008-09-05T19:26:00.003-06:00

our phones still haven't been turned back on and i'm going crazy not being able to get in touch with my mom and find out why or what's happening. I'm worried someone is going to call with a job offer and the line is going to be disconnected so they're going to go to someone else and the worrying is driving me crazy. CRAZY! INSANE! The only good thing is that the internet is up and running. For now.

i hate being poor.

Besties

2008-09-04T17:40:00.010-06:00

Jackie got me watching Gossip Girl despite my 1 year long strike against the CW. I'm already hooked and I should be mad at her for breaking my strike, but I think a years worth of not watching anything CW related is a good punishment for them cancelling my beloved Veronica...besides KB narrates Gossip Girl so it's a little bit of the old and a lot new.

I've been watching a couple episodes of GG to get caught up so I can watch it on tv regularly and I'm fascinated by Blair and Serena's friendship. Not that it's the most healthiest of relationships, but I envy the two of them deeply. I always wanted someone I could turn to and talk about everything with even if we didn't see eye to eye. I'm lucky I got that in Jackie, especially when I needed it the most during the rough years, but she lives in Florida and it's not the same when she's that far away. Same with Amber, I adore her but she lives so far away that yeah talking on the phone, texting, and chatting is great, but when I really just need a hug from my best friend...I'm SOL.

I've been thinking about a lost friend a lot lately, mainly because of starting this new chapter in my life, (emotionally and spiritually) and not being able to go to school, has left me with a lot of reflection time. Why didn't we ever patch things up? Was our friendship not important enough to either one of us to make better? Serena slept with Blairs boyfriend and Blair all but ruined Serena's shot at an ivy league college acceptance. But they made it work, because they needed each other. They both had bigger issues to deal with and they stuck together because of it. (so far at least... I'm only on episode 1x06; I'm sure the road is still rough) Why do I have this gigantic problem with making and keeping friends? I thought I was finally doing okay and then my college friends disowned me last semester. I can't find what world I fit into, I just really want to belong and be loved.

I was talking to Cyri last night, telling her why I started going back to church and it really made me realize that I'm doing the right thing and I don't need to question the decision or my motives anymore. Before my life went to shambles, I was happy. I was in seminary and had friends and was doing well in school. I miss that girl I used to be and even though I've only started going back to church two weeks ago, I'm finding her again. She was lost but I keep catching glimpses of her. I hope she comes back for good and connects with me and we can become whole and happy again. No more wasted years. I want to be ME again. I just hope I recognize me when that time comes.

Shalain, Cami, and Sarah; 2004

Cami and Sarah; 2004

blurb

2008-09-03T23:56:00.000-06:00

our phones got shut off today because we forgot to pay the bill :( and then the internet was down most of the day because they're changing services or whatnot. I felt very unconnected from the world haha.

So I went to Emily's apartment and she gave me a cookie, and then I went to Cyri's dorm and she gave me a Yellowcard Concert flyer.

September 30th!! HERE AT USU!!! SOOO EXCIIITEEED!

one of those days...

2008-09-02T18:28:00.002-06:00

I'm having one of those days where you can feel great about yourself one moment, and then feel completely dejected and worthless the next. I'm in the latter part of the listed moods. I feel like crap and just need a hug and someone to be my friend and tell me that I'm not worthless, and really mean it. Because when I look in the mirror, I don't see anyone worthwhile.

Monday Peeves

2008-09-01T16:40:00.003-06:00

I wanted to find a meme to do regularly (mainly to remind me to post, but so far, I've been doing pretty darn good) and so I turned to my trust friend Google and found Monday Peeves: Where Pettiness Is Encouraged. Every Monday, a pet peeve is posted that relates to a theme. You take that theme and write about your own pet peeve. So, since Monday's are my least favorite days, I found this weekly meme perfect for me.

So this weeks topic is

::Grocery Stores::
What about your grocery shopping experience drives you bonkers? Or if you don’t shop for groceries, name something about your stores in general.

I love Wal-Mart. I know far too much about it, probably so much that I have WHITE-TRASH imprinted on my forehead, but I still love a store that has everything you need in one stop. However, I can't stand other shoppers! Especially the ones that will stand behind you impatiently in a crowded aisle while you decide whether to buy the plain sensible oatmeal or to spring the extra cash to buy brown sugar flavor. This has only happened once to me, but I've seen it happen time and time again to other people, and it's SO. ANNOYING. When I hear their oh-so-obvious impatient "You're in my WAY!" sighs from behind me, I have to fight the urge to say, "Oh? Am I in your way? TOO BAD! Go away! Go to K-MART where you belong!" But that would be just plain rude, so I refrain and find my own sense of justice by debating inwardly for longer than I should on which flavor of oatmeal to buy, just to make my impatient sigher more irritated.

rain, rain...COME BACK!

2008-09-01T13:38:00.005-06:00

It's been raining all last night and a little bit this morning. I'm LOVING this weather. The skies are starting to clear up now and that sucks :( I want more rain! I love the sound of thunder (especially thunder in Logan, it doesn't just roar for a few seconds, it lasts for minutes) I love the sound of the raindrops hitting my window. I stayed up far too late last night just listening to the thunder and rain. I love this kind of weather and I'm so happy I chose to come to Logan inspite of the financial aid committee denying my appeal and that whole 'no money' situation. Through all of last semesters misery I forgot how much I learned to love Logan and it's SEASONS! It doesn't go from hot to hotter up here, they have all four seasons. It's so fun. This is the first rainstorm to hit since I've been up here and I'm looking forward to the first snow of the season already.

(remind me of this post the first day my car gets stuck in the snow and i'm inadvertently late for whatever I'm headed for)

Riverside Apartments

2008-08-31T17:19:00.005-06:00

So, my roommates...pretty much rock. And after today I'm so excited to be living here. Even though I'm the baby and am younger than all of them.(The age thing really doesn't bother me, it's just funny to me. I'll feel better about it come December when we're all in our 20's mkay?)

I know that after the school year I endured this past year I've become a different person. My likes and dislikes have changed, I'm not as socially awkward as I was in VVT (note: not as, meaning, still awkward, it's just improved) I was so nervous after last years roommate debacle that I was going to get paired with horrible people in this apartment, and I got extremely lucky this year! They're all soo nice and fun, and completely different from one another which makes life interesting. In a good way.

J is the first girl I met and I don't rely on first impressions...because they suck. She said a quick hi to be polite the day I was moving in and then flew out the door never to be seen again for a few days. But I got to sit down and really chat with her tonight for the first time, and she's pretty cool. It sucks that she works graves and won't be around much because she really seems like someone I'd get along with. Plus, she's a Charmed fan, and in my book that surpasses all else :)

I met M next. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She's served a mission and just got back in the spring, and is so encouraging and easy going. She's a blast to be around and it's easy to be myself around her because I'm not nervous about whether or not she'll like me, we're just roommates hanging out and thats fun.

R moved in later, and even though she has an unfortunate name, (it's not her fault she has the same name as my evil arch enemy Emperor ZURG from Wendy's in the STG) she's awesome too. She's really funny and is starting her masters program. Her laugh is infectious, I want to hang out with her, just to keep me happy haha. I went with M and R to Sonic the other night, and even though the servers took as long as the ice age to get us our food, it was fun to be with them and listen to the two of them talk.

I haven't had a chance to really get to know D a whole lot. She's kept to herself most of time but I think that's just because her mom and family was with her, which I completely understand, but now that she's on her own a little bit more I think she's going to come around. She seems nice. We sat with her in Relief Society today and she talked a lot with M, so I'll have to get to know her more.

So the girls are great, but the apartment is definitely lacking. I can tell they showed me the nicest apartment they had when I took a tour because the one we all live in, is a tad bit crappy. BUT after seeing all the room, I think I have the biggest...that or all the other girls just have a lot of stuff and my room is bare. But in square footage..I think I got the biggest one. When I moved in the room was filthy and after slaving away to scrape together the $200 cleaning deposit to even sign the lease last spring, annoyed doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. So after cleaning all the finger prints off the doors, walls, and outlets, getting the dead bugs out of the window sill, wiping some yellow goo off the wall by the sink, and scrubbing the black footprints out of my tub, I was content. The kitchen floor is in bad shape, it's been scratched up and it gets dirty really easily, and the washer, dryer and STOVE seem ancient. But other than that, it's not half bad. We're college students, so it's better than nothing, and definitely better than whats out there. (ie: Andrea's house/apartment thing, however cute I think it is on the inside...outside it looks like it's going to fall over any second; and being on that death defying hill, it very well may be!)

So, I'm happy, I'm living with fun people and as soon as I get a job, my life will be near perfect for the time being.

Twilight

2008-08-31T11:28:00.000-06:00

I'm going to get to see my stupid, shiny volvo owner on the big screen very very soon and I can't wait! I get giddy like a 12 yr. old everytime I watch the trailers. (which is fairly often) In the meantime, I've been rereading all the books like crazy and feeling sad that I didn't get hooked on them when I first heard about them. I will never stay away from a book just because it's popular again haha.

R.I.P. and a RIP!

2008-08-30T13:38:00.000-06:00

Mom passed away peacefully at home after a short but serious bout with liver cancer. She worked for the Clark County School District starting out as the playground supervisor and retiring 33 years later as the vice principal's secretary. She enjoyed working with the kids serving as one of the cheerleading advisors.She was always active in school activities and promoting school spirit. Working as a lifeguard at the city pool during the summers, she kept in touch with all of the kids. She always stayed busy, sometimes working two or three jobs. She had a love of antiques, bottles mostly. Almost a lifetime resident of Mesquite, she saw the good and bad changes but still called it home. She was preceded in death by her mother and father and her loving husband, Derald, of nearly 40 years. She is survived by her oldest son Jon (Connie), daughter Janna (Bryant), and the youngest DJ (Natalie) and her constant companion, Muffy. While absent physically, her presence is still with all of those whose heart she touched, and will never be forgotten.

I emailed my dad to ask him to dinner before I moved. He emailed me back and says

hey nice to hear from you things here got pretty rough the last two weeks, mom was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer they gave her three months to live so i have been pretty busy, all my spare time is spent taking care of mom sorry to hear about your jobs hopefully you can find a better one in logan nice to type at you c ya.

He sprung this one me in an email. So I got up the courage to call him the day before I was supposed to move to see how he was, and he was really lethargic on the phone. I know he's always been close to his mom so I was really worried about him. So I called my mom and we jumped into the car and headed to Mesquite. I had to call Andrea and put off moving to Logan because this detour was taking up my packing time.

He was DRUNK when we got there. He was DRUNK when I had called him on the phone and he CONTINUED to drink while I was there even though he knows who I am and what I stand for. I get that he was depressed but I'm sorry...taking shot after shot of tequila is just going to make the situation worse.

We stayed there for a few hours but I was starting to get a headache from all the cigarette smoke, (the headache also could've been due to the fact that his EXWIFE was there shouting at him to eat for his kids the entire four hours we were there. Natalie? his new wife? Nowhere to be seen, because apparently, they're seperated...they've been so for about 3 months...what's that you ask? NO HE DIDN'T TELL ME!) So we said goodbye. (I got to meet my Uncle John for the first time; good guy btw) I told them to call me when something happened and I would do what I could to be there, even if I was in Logan.

My mom ended up randomly texting my dad the day after she died. And he texted her back saying that she had passed away around 4 in the morning. They did NOT call me, and I was so bitter and angry about that fact that I didn't call them. I found her obituary the other day and found that they've already had the funeral, and still nobody called me.

I'm irritated. Actually that's understating the feelings that course through me when I think about this aggravating man that is my sperm donor. I never knew his mother, aka my grandmother. She probably to her last dying breath, still denied to herself that I'm related to her. She called my mom every name under the sun that related to prostitution while she was pregnant with me and even after a DNA test refused to have contact with me. I'm fine with that. I went to his house to comfort HIM. I wasn't there for her, I prayed for her so that she wouldn't suffer, but she was never anything to me. I owed nothing to her.

I've tried and tried to make DJ my father, maybe even a dad. But I'm just about done. I'm so. tired. of being disappointed by him, and I'm not going to let him hurt me anymore. I won't contact him again, I'll wait for him this time. I'm done with this one sided relationship. I'm done hinting at things I want, I'm done OUTRIGHT saying what I need and want from him, and nothing happening.

Then there's a little voice in the back of my head that whispers one more chance, Sarah. That's all he needs. You're his only daughter. Fine. One more chance. I'm still done, I'm keeping my promise to myself and will not start up talking with him again until he contacts ME. But he has until my birthday. That's right, I'm giving him a deadline. He has exactly 101 days to give me some inkling of hope that I should still want him in my life. But if he doesn't call/email by then, or forgets my birthday alltogether AGAIN, then I'm going to stop worrying about everything to do with him.

Am I wrong? Do I expect too much? I'd be happy with phone calls or emails that are not cheesy forwards. I've never asked for money even when I needed it the most. I've never asked for anything but HIM.

I, I, I...The I's have it!

2008-08-29T16:40:00.000-06:00

I AM: in the proccess of looking for a job. I need to take a more proactive approach however haha. Like calling after I apply to see if they want to hire me. I hate talking on the phone with a passion, so I'm going to just start doing what I should be doing!

I WANT: some curtains..for my bedroom. YOU CAN SEE THROUGH THE BLINDS AT NIGHT! And maintenance doesn't seem too concerned :( So I simply just want some curtains. But since the no job thing leads to a no money thing...i have no curtains.

I WISH: that money really grew on trees. Preferably in my own backyard so I can monopolize upon the miracle tree.

I HATE: MySpace Bulletins. If I don't repost this bulletin or that one within the next .2 miliseconds I am NOT going to be struck by lightning and be unlucky in love for the rest of my life.

I MISS: the relationship I used to have with my grandparents. It's slowly being rebuilt, but it's still never going to be the same. Makes me sad.

I HEAR: the stupid tv. Of which I've been watching way too much of lately.

I WONDER: if people really think I'm funny when I spout off one-liners or if they're just humoring me because they think I'm insane.

I REGRET: not sticking up for myself all those times I just sat and cried in my dorm room last semester. No one will EVER have that kind of power over me again. Although, I'm not sure whether or not that is a good or a bad thing.

I AM NOT: A girly-girl. I'm a tom-boy who wears pink and frets about her hair. Is that SO bad?

I DANCE: to movie soundtracks. I can't dance to just my songs, but if I'm watching a movie, I wanna get up and move sometimes.

I SING: in the shower. I always sound better in there. I haven't done so in my new apartment yet though..out of concern for my new roommates ears and sanity.

I CRY: less often than usual. Usually it's at the drop of a hat. Even when I wasn't emotionally involved in something, I used to cry. I've had sores in the corner of my eyes for pete's sake. I should've learned to use this talent when the cops pull me over for that little speeding habit, but alas I don't cry as much as I used to. Again, I'm still not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: mad/sad, When my face is relaxed it just looks like that...I'm not gonna tire out my face muscles just to make you feel better that you've "cheered me up".

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: FOOD. I've discovered a new love for cooking. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed it until I went without a kitchen last year and had to turn to the miracle that is a microwave. I plan to take full advantage of my beautiful kitchen this year.

I WRITE: my opinions better than I speak them. When people are mean to me, I should just sit down and right them a really long note. I'm SURE that would get the message across effectively.

I CONFUSE: myself. I flip flop on decisions a lot.

I NEED: to stop panicking about the future and let the future panic about me for a change.

I SHOULD: get up earlier. lose weight. stop being shy. learn to flirt. stop worrying so much....all of the above?

I START: everything with a positive attitude, usually ending up wanting to kill myself for starting it in the first place.

I FINISH: everything at the last minute. A girl needs stress in her life to maintain a healthy balance, so I create my own!

Hmm I tag...YOU. Which probably means me because I'm the only one that reads this silly thing haha.

Financial Aid Suspension Saga Pt. 1

2008-08-11T02:17:00.001-06:00

I just finished my letter to the appeals committee. I hope it does the situation justice and they will let me continue schooling. I'm really nervous about it and I can't sleep, it's almost 3am. However, with China being in the daylight hours already I'm getting in some good Beijing Olympic watching time in. I just watched two Chinese girls perform some really beautiful floor routines.

But back to the point. If they accept this and let my appeal go through, I'll be thrilled. If not, I've promised myself that I will not be crushed and fall to pieces as I have done before. I will remind myself that I have a backup plan. More than one actually. I will either A)Find student loans that will condemn me to hell but will get me through a semester on my own. or B) Forget the whole thing and work and live in Logan or C) Sell my lease and go home.

Hopefully it won't come to that. It shouldn't, I'm trying to stay postive, but it's healthy to have a plan and have options. It makes me feel so much safer.

The Wedding

2008-08-09T11:57:00.001-06:00

I survived. I really didn't think I would. I was terrified to go to this wedding. Worried it was going to bring back memories that I didn't want to think about and pangs of remorse for what I wasn't a part of anymore.

Going to Cami's wedding did all that, but I'm glad I went and was prepared for that rush of emotions. I'm glad I hyperventilated all day worrying about going. It helped me ground myself in reality.

She looked beautiful and I think I melted into a green pool of jealousy when I first saw her. Inbetween greeting people I saw her whisper 'I love you' to Adam and kiss him. It made me feel so grown up..being at the wedding of someone I used to be friends with and seeing her acting so adult.

Andrea, Emily, Amberlie, and I hung out together after everyone had left. We stayed till almost midnight. Talking and laughing. It felt so great and made me feel like dragging myself over hot coals by going to this wedding reception was worth it. It was God's way of treating me to being the big person and being happy for her even when I wasn't.

Andrea went a little nuts with my camera, which was funny. So I'll have pictures when I can get the film developed. aka: when I have a job in Logan and can pay to have the film developed XD

I feel really old after a day like yesterday. The family reunion last week made me realize that I'm next in line of my cousins to get married and have a baby. I'm the oldest unwed girl in my family. And now my high school friends are all getting married. When did we become adults? How did that happen? And how do I make it stop?

The Point

2008-07-02T13:35:00.002-06:00

So I watched this movie the other day starring the lovely Amber Benson of Buffy fame and it got me to thinking about the future. It's called 7 Things To Do Before I'm 30. It's really cute and the main character Lori really reminded me of myself, so I decided to make my own list. I made a list of things I want to accomplish before I turn 25, and since I'm going to be 20 in 5 months (Holy Smokes I'm getting old) I decided to start this blog and try to keep up with it to record what happens in my life over the next 5 years and see if my life changes or not.
So, here's my list (in no particular order)

Things To Do Before I turn 25...

1. Fall in Love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, burning, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

2. Travel abroad: Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, walk all the stairs in Notre Dame, lay your eyes on THE Mona Lisa, stare at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and see every incredible, breath-taking, awe-inspiring monument you can.

3. Solidify my testimony. Not only hope, but believe and know that God loves me for me, and that he knows me personally.

4. Be fit and healthy. Don't conform to standards expected by someone else, get to where you want to be and feel good about yourself.

5. Get married and start a family. In that order.

6. Forgive someone who wronged you; Apologize to someone you've betrayed.

7. Do something completely and utterly stupid that isn't life altering. Just crazy and stupid.

8. Go away to a spa for an entire weekend, no matter the cost.

9. Move outside of Utah for at least a year.

10. Keep a plant alive for more than a few weeks.

11. Develop a true and longlasting friendship. Be the kind of friend you want to have.

12. Become fluent in French.

13. Become a True Aggie and earn a degree.

Yay!

2008-06-30T22:37:00.000-06:00

Whoo hoo! I got the html all fixed around, and now I just have to find something to do with the extra sidebars, whether to just delete them or if there's something i want in it...maybe music or something.

later to come, the reason for starting a blog, and the promise to actually keep up with this one.

I love USU!

2007-09-19T12:43:00.003-06:00

They have coffee vending machines! Do you know how rare that is in Utah...COFFEE VENDING MACHINES!? I don't think one exists in my hometown, you know, one of the fastest growing cities in the country. It's only two seconds away from my biology class...

TWO SECONDS PEOPLE! I LOVE THIS PLACE!

introducing...

2007-09-17T14:10:00.002-06:00

Aidan Scott Simonson!

(I just realized that the copy above sucks cuz I had to shrink it, but if you right click it and hit properties, and copy the URL of the picture, you can see the unsquished version)

My cousin Brandi (on the left).. had her first child at the beginning of August and I've been meaning to send her the birth annoucnement I made for him. I feel like I'm an Aunt now cuz Brandi, her sisters and I were raised so close together.

But I must say he's ADORABLE. Ahhhh, I love babies. I want one! Just one the weekends for right now...is that possible? No? Fine!

And, if you'll scroll up and take a second look at little Aidan's name, you'll be sure to have a laugh, or at least feel bad for his, now doomed, schooling years. Because, yes, his initials are ON PURPOSE.

I'm on your side kid. (after i stop laughing of course..)

adventures in college eatery

2007-09-17T13:47:00.002-06:00

so I went to my friend Andrea's apartment the other night for dinner. But when I got there we realized that we only planned what we were going to have for dessert...(typical right? college girls rock!) so we hopped in my car and ran to Papa Murphy's..because techinically, it's not fast food if we have to cook it..right?

Yummy, yes? It was DELICIOUS, I haven't had pizza lately and it tasted soo yummy!

So, after our pizza was finished we set out to make our preplanned dessert! Peach Cobbler! Sounds good right? Weeeeell...not so much. When it came out of the oven. heh. We had Peach Cobbler Soup. So it tasted good...it was just not cobbler...

oh the inspiration

2007-09-15T00:19:00.002-06:00

So you go into the grocery store to buy lettuce. You go to the produce and find the lettuce, pick up the lettuce of your choice, buy it and leave the store. But you never once stop to look at the carrots. There is nothing wrong with the carrots, and you don't have anything against carrots; you just went in for lettuce---not carrots. There is so much competition around us, and so much pressure to be 'successful.' Nothing is more meaningful than being yourself. Being the best version of me is all I can do. Just because not everyone goes into the store looking for lettuce.

Chinatown Film Festival Logo Contest

2007-07-02T11:29:00.002-06:00

So I found out about this at the beginning of June and went hey! I want to do that! I found out that it was due on June 30th and went Oh! That's soon! So, I got to working on it, got frustrated with the design so I stopped and gave up.

I go to Fast Web every so often, especially this summer, to check up on some scholarships I can casually enter and I love their articles for freshman. (such as the handy dandy microwave recipes... i have a feeling they wouldn't be as good as they say they are, but it's better than top ramen..)

but anyways, i signed in one day and it has this notification saying something like "Hey dummy! you have a number of scholarships due in 2 weeks!" ( i think it's a bit nicer than that but hey, i adds color and flare to the boring message :) )

And the Chinatown Film Festival Logo Contest was one of the scholarships due within two weeks. 5 days to be exact, so i begrudgingly opened up the logo file back up and started working on it.

At the end of 5 days it actually looks pretty satisifactory, but there was only one problem. it was due the next day. a SATURDAY. $37 bucks to overnight it for Saturday delivery. holy hell. But i guess it's worth it, if i win. (prizes which include flight to New York in 2008 for said festival and 3,000 in scholarship $$$ )

So here's a screenshot...what do you think?

Do I have a shot?

Edited to add: Yeah...$37 dollars for an overnight saturday delivery...and they extend the deadline to July 10th. (Which yes I know is a good thing because this might mean they're not getting as many entries as they thought they would, so i have an even better shot...but can i just say DAMNIT!)